Moon Memo: The work, not the job
Good morning from the quiet. Drinking coffee with a notebook on the desk, a .txt file open, dark and hypnotic, the cursor blinking.
I was let go from my job yesterday. Considered redundant when they evaluated what was necessary to keep the agency open. I don't bring money in. I don't do direct service. So...unnecessary.
I spent a lot of yesterday angry and scared. How could THEY do this to me. How could THEY do this to my friends. How could THEY do this right before the holidays.
There's a moment in It's A Wonderful Life where George realizes that he's worth more dead than alive. I had that feeling yesterday. My life insurance is, of course, a higher value than what I have in the bank. Which is, of course, nothing.
Sitting here with notebooks, and an open txt document, just trying to think of things to do to make myself happy this weekend. Because I’ll be damned if I’m just going to sit around feeling miserable. I’m going to do the work.
Not The Job. The Job is never the work. The Work is The Work.
The Job can be adjacent to The Work. It can be part of The Work. But it's NOT the work. The work is inside you. You know what you're supposed to be doing. Do it.
I tumbled into bed with a friend last night. When she found out I lost my job she called me over. Held me while I cried. Made me feel good in my body. Reminded me I'm not my job. I'm the work. The work isn't your job. The work is becoming yourself.
My last day is December 31. If you know of a job that won't mind that I'm a fat trans woman, please let me know. They will get less of my heart than this last one did. But they'll get enough to know that I will work hard for them. Because I can't do it any other way.
There are other things I want to talk about here this week. Happy things and crushingly sad things. But I can't do that right now. Respecting privacy and all that.
Drinking coffee. Writing in notebooks. Planning a happy weekend with my fiance. I hope you have great things planned. That you take care of yourself, and your 20 important people.
Love you a bunch.
Misha Lynn Moon