Moon Memo: The Eagle has Landed
Good morning from Portland, and a happy international women's day to all the women and cis women in my life. It's a surprise holiday from work, and I'm luxuriating in the flowing time around me. Going to take myself out to lunch, then the central library for a good long writing time. Lazy luxury at its finest.
I don't know what I've really done in the last couple of weeks. Getting back from vacation kind of killed my brain a little bit. Work has been the usual nonsense of orientation and small trainings and boredom. Personal life has been the beautiful small things: movies with friends, snuggles with my guy, wrestling shows. Small beautiful life.
But I'm amazingly happy. I'm more in love with Jade than ever. I'm more comfortable in my skin than I've ever been. I'm happy. Actually, luxuriously happy.
But I still melt down sometimes. Take saturday night. My friend Miryam, her friend Bones, and I went to the monthly DOA wrestling show. Got to see people wrestle hard. Good competitive matches. After the show I left my beautiful friends behind and headed home.
Unfortunately, I had to go to the bathroom. Anyone who has driven through North Portland on a Saturday night knows it is impossible to find a place to pee. Either too expensive, or too busy, or a straight bar where a girl like me walking in is a problem. So, in a gush of discomfort I stopped at The Eagle.
The Eagle, for those of you that do not know, is the gay Bear and Leather Scene bar here in Portland. Affiliated with a network of Eagles around the country. Used to be across the street from Portland's biggest bathhouse, which is now a McMenamin's Hotel. Notorious for being a Very Boy space. But I love the bears, and in Portland there are plenty of Leather Dykes, both cisgender and trans, that hang out at the Eagle. So I figured it would be ok.
The doorman was super nice. "In that jacket, you get in free, ma'am," he said with a wag of the eyebrows and a wink.
It was jock strap night. The bar was packed to the gills with sweaty hairy men dancing in their underwear. It was so hot and steamy that my glasses fogged up. I made my way to the bathroom, which is an unlit closet with a piss trough and stalls with their doors removed. No privacy to piss. As I sat peeing, angling myself in a very feminine way to hide my clit from prying eyes, a guy looked at me with hungry eyes. I maintained eye contact and winked. He looked away, a little embarrassed. Out flirt them if they are trying to make you uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, I think my cell phone slipped out of my pocket. Because after flushing and washing my hands ("excuse me," I said to a silver wolf and his cub who was sucking him off next to the sink. "Grunt," the silver wolf said, letting me slip by), I went out to the patio to people watch ("hey, ma'am, you are so hot! Welcome!" a very drunk but very kind twink said as I passed by. Thanks, kind twink), and, reaching for my phone, found that it was missing. When I returned to the bathroom ("not done?" the silver wolf said, smirking. "Well, neither are you it seems," I would have replied if I wasn't in a panic), my phone was gone.
As you know, I've spent a long time optimizing my wallet and keys for efficiency. I've had keychain wallets and minimalist wallets, and had recently switched over to a phone case wallet. That means I didn't just lose my phone. I lost my wallet.
I panicked and began crawling around the bathroom floor. The silver wolf looked at me like I had lost my mind. A kind bear used his phone to help me look. I was so embarrassed that I blinked out of reality, and left the bar crying, and drove away.
As I drove I continued crying. The world went into full meltdown. How the fuck could I have lost my wallet? I can't listen to music without my phone (this is a lie, there is still radio, but I wasn't rational). I'm hungry, but I don't have any money. Now I've gotta cancel all my cards, and get a new ID, and shit, I'm driving without a license with me, fuck!
I got home, and crawled into bed with Jade, and cried. I got up and looked on the find my app on my iPad. My phone was still at The Eagle. "Someone probably turned it in to the bar," Jade said sleepily. "Let's call and check." "We can't call!" I cried, "I don't have my phone!" Jade laughed and held up theres. Called. No answer.
"Well, I guess we'll have to go back," Jade said.
There is no greater love than a nonbinary guy helping their crying trans femme girlfriend by riding along with her, making jokes, holding her hand as you both drive back to a gay leather bar.
"I'm glad you came back!" the doorman said. "They found your wallet and turned it in to the bar!" The sweet bartender held up my phone. Nothing missing from the wallet case.
I bought a ginger ale and tipped 10 bucks. I chugged my soda and walked out triumphant. I was an international woman, and I was in a gay bar, and I was glorious, and I had my phone and wallet back.
Yes, I bought a new wallet and phone case so this wouldn't happen again. Of course I did. :-)
I hope you are all doing well. Love you to bits.
Misha Lynn Moon
International Woman
