Moon Memo: The Dirt, The Woods, Your Brain, Your Darkness
Hello From Portland, Oregon. The Mercado burnt down two nights ago, and the quiet man was swept by the police. Winter is having its way with us, and I feel better.
Little notes from the week. It's been a good one. New years is a time for rebirth, sometimes. This week felt like it here in Moon Mansion. Here's what I've been thinking about.
# Orientation
Thursday: Jade is at orientation for the new Library job right now. The question I have is how they approach the orientation there. Is there any talk about the culture of library services? Why libraries are important? The history of Multnomah County Library? The absolute duty of protecting the privacy of your patrons, and their first amendment right to freedom of information? How to work with homeless patrons? I wonder.
Jade woke up earlier than expected this morning, spent time dressing up as professional as they could. They were so cute, trying to present the best version of themselves as they headed for their first day at a new job in almost a decade. I hope it goes well.
# Freedom
Tuesday: Had to remove myself from being able to access social media from my iPad. The whole point of having the Freedom app is to not access Facebook or Instagram during the mornings and day. Turns out I can't be trusted. So here we are. Mechanical measures are applied.
All I seem to carry right now is anger, and a hatred of America. The reminder every two minutes that children are going to keep dying, and that war is coming to plant its flag in the hearts of my students, and their children, and their children's children, is too much for me. Because I am weak. And because I am useless in the face of it. Power is going to have its way with us. We know it is coming. We know we have already lost.
# Runaway
Thursday: Just got my bunk settled for a trip away from home. Doing the classic Misha youth hostel trip, only this time away from where I have ever been. Have to make sure my passport is updated. No planes, so that limits us to one country that I have to be cagey about. Look up all the gay bars that I could go to. Gay bath house that has an all genders night on Saturdays. Set up for writing and coffee. A new place to explore.
I would usually spend my time on this kind of trip at the cabin in the coast range. But I don't think quiet is what I need this year. I think what I need is new experience. Something queer and beautiful. Which is what I'm doing: heading to Vancouver BC, settling in to a queer life for myself. We'll see how it goes.
# New Year
Friday: New year, new notebooks. New notebooks, new poems. It's January 5th as I'm writing this, and I've written 5 new poems, one of which is really good.
I don't have resolutions. I have systems. And this is a part of my system. Get up in the morning. Read a little bit. Write a poem. Drink coffee. Play on the computer. This is the life I want to live.
Find what you want to do with your life, and make time to do it.
# End of week Checklist
Friday: I work through this checklist every friday before logging off. It usually takes about 20 minutes. Quick way to see what I got done, what I need to get done, and to process my week.
Look at your inboxes. Is anything unprocessed?
Move any notes into the serendipity machine, to become poems later.
Check 2 weeks back on the calendar and 4 weeks ahead. Anything you need to remember to do? Any deadlines?
Clean out your work files. Get shit into folders.
Clean off computer desktop.
Archive all email.
Double check your to do list, and your completed tasks. Anything stand out as awesome?
Did you write poems? Why or why not?
What have you been reading?
Review orientation and other work stuff. What went well? What can be fixed?
If anything isn't done, throw it on your To Do app for next week.
Log off all your work communication for the weekend. You're done.
#Publication
I just submitted a book manuscript to a publisher. Transgender Book of the Living and the Dead. This will be my, what, 6th book manuscript? The 100th publisher? Who knows. I've been doing this a long time, and have nothing really to show for it.
Publication would be amazing, and I want more people to read my poetry. I want to see my book at Powell's or a random fancy bookshop in the world. But I'm not playing the game. I'm just writing the poems. But I'd still like to win this one. It's an editor I really respect, and a publisher that I can get behind. Plus I think the poems are really strong. So, please let me win, oh great muse, who decides who is published and who languishes in the world alone.
# The dirt, the woods, your brain, your darkness
Thursday: Current obsession is Christeene.
The dirt, the woods, the brain, your darkness. That's the kind of queerness I can get behind.
I had a well meaning person tell me I could pass if I lost weight, if I wore more make up, if I tried harder. I'm not here to pass, honey. I'm here to be a question. The women I love most in the world are tough, hard to pin down, grubby and queer. I want to be that. I want to be a mystery. The feminine as swamp. There is beauty in the swamp.
Christeene is a character. She is not real. But I love her. Because she represents what I know about womanhood. The wildness. The horror. The tough. The weird.
# Love
Friday: I love you all to bits. Be your own darkness. Find the light. Be prepared for the cold. Drink more water.
Love and stuff,
Misha Lynn Moon
