Moon Memo: Negative Nostalgia
Hello from the Foster-Powell Triangle, where I'm Feeling some negative nostalgia tonight. I have a bunch of friends who are processing High School Trauma, and decided to jump on that boat. Below is a little free write that came from there.
Negative Nostalgia
I was never a cool rich kid who had access to college radio or anything beyond what was available in the library. What we had was what was on the radio, or MTV. So no Fugazi. No real punk. No Riot Grrl until the internet appeared or Spin magazine finally realized that it existed.
That means problematic music. Marilyn Manson. Nine Inch Nails. Pantera. Tool. Those were the cutting edge for kids like me. This was pre internet. This was pre college. All we had was the mainstream. We were lucky that the mainstream was really really dark at the time. We all had a desire for death. Things were safe, so we could desire everything horrible to be true. Wizards and warlocks and witches and antichrists.
The reason why Woodstock 94 was so important for a lot of us is that it was the first time we saw things like Nine Inch Nails covered in shit and mud. Dressed like trannies and power bottoms.
We were nothing special. 120 minutes and Headbangers Ball on Saturday nights if we were sleeping over with our friends. That's what we got.
Hail satan meant something when god was real.
Southern Oregon might as well have been the moon. It might as well have been hell. I only discovered Tori Amos by accident. She appeared in a tape that I basically stole from a friend. And from her, Neil Gaiman, Ani Difranco, Bjork. Lilith Fair lesbians. Wasn't cool enough for PJ Harvey yet. She was years later. That was middle age for me.
All fucked up and dead to the world.
Marilyn Manson was a spell, cast on high school kids going to public school and still demanding religion. It was a place to rebel. It was pop enough so you could dance. Satan's dance. And of course he is the shittiest of humans. We knew this was coming, didn't we?
Poor kids get shitty culture. That's how it always works. They get whatever comes, and what comes is never the best. What do the poor kids listen to now? There is horror. White powders and power.
December seems to be a time for negative nostalgia.
Poem from Above
The Woods
Hail satan meant something when god
was real. Home town was hell for all
the punishment you received. Dancing
leads to the devil, and the devil is sex.
When you taste sodomy from cousins
you know witchcraft is close behind.
Poor kids get shit culture. Whatever
comes, and it's never the best. Horrors
of white powders and power. woods
hold corpses of elk, the weird lights
and hairy men, drunk nights waiting
for your private gods to find you.
When you escape you know the guilt
in every coming back, rotten toothed
reminders of who you always were.
Good Grief
"The term “grief tech” is being applied to tools that can, by employing “voice cloning technology” and other resources, simulate the dead in service of the mournful living." From this Article on Grief Tech
If I ever talk about doing something like this, I want you to punch me in the throat. This is just so gross. It's ok to carry ghosts, but literal spirtualism, literal Electronic Voice Phenomena, is gross.
No, sorry, this isn't even spiritualism. It's something other. The demon of AI bringing back the dead. It's a kind of faux necromancy that I'm not sure I'm ok with.
Trust me. I'm a necromancer.
Personal energy goals for next year:
Protect your heart, Misha Moon.
Work wise, I am not going to be fixing the world. But I can build good new things. Don't feel like you have to match this year. You can just go into maintenance mode this year.
One day a week gets to be quiet. Drift. Think. Be lazy. Doesn't have to be productive. Can just be by myself with my thoughts.
Once a quarter: get away. Long weekend protocols activated. Get out of the house.
You are not in charge of everything. You are in charge of your one thing. So act like it.
It's lovely to have a small circle of friends you know are your peeps. Be grateful for them, and be willing to shrink them if you need to.
The Priorities: Household. Personal Circle. Wider community.
That said, I'm tired of waiting for people. If we have a set up time to meet, and if folks are late, it is painful. Because I'm always early. Always. And I feel like I have to wait. So I'm going to stop. People have 15 minutes for personal hangouts, and then I'll leave. I'm tired of waiting for 2 hours for people, even the people I love most in the world.
I reserve the right to cancel on people, to hide away, to heal if I need to. I've been really available for years. I don't have to be anymore.
Airplane mode can be a lifestyle. You can turn it off when you are ready to be quiet. It's ok to disconnect, Misha Moon.
Outro
I hope you all are doing well. Going to add a picture below, just to see if it works.
Love you all.
Misha Lynn Moon