Moon Memo-Bunny, Quiet, and Anxiety
Hello from Portland Oregon, on a warm morning. It's going to be in the 70s today, and the sunlight is pure and shining. I'm home today, my car with Jade because the bus never came. About to have a doctor's appointment with the Gender Pathway's Clinic. Going to ask about injections, and about a gender affirming surgery, and I'm ready for both. So ready for both. So ready for both.
I've lost a lot of this month to anxiety about the new job. Yes, it's true: I'm going to be the human trainer at the Oregon Humane Society starting on Monday April 28th. I spent so much of my time worried if I was going to get the job that I was unable to think of much else. Poetry has not been springing out as easily.
And the anxiety of the world has been slipping in the last few days. News of deportations and rejected visas. Of trans artists being told they will not get to travel into the united states under their name and gender. Gestapo tactics of dissidents being picked up off the street. Deported American citizens not being brought back. Talk of camps for American dissident citizens.
No wonder everyone wants to abandon ship.
So it's an anxious time. Add to that the anxiety of the new job, and I'm at a constant eeeeeee sound.
Bunny
We met at Graye's memorial. Tall cute girl with glorious eyes. Pushed into a hotel room together by one of the three widows. We ended up naked pretty immediately. pushed against each other's bodies with grief.
How do you see each other out of the context of that.
Cut to saturday. Pick up at the train. Beautiful girl waiting on the curb. Tall and pretty in the sunlight. Yellow shoes. Yellow jacket.
Sex and kink and beauty and care. Talk about religious trauma. Similar stories of marriages breaking up, and moving to new places to become ourselves. Movie night with my dearest and most wondrous friends. All of them welcome her. Silly kung fu movie.
She was there when Graye died. She has her own chronic illness to manage. What does it mean to fall for a girl who took care of the girl you fell for? What does it mean to be told you are wonderful and beautiful again? What does it mean to be told that you are trusted with care and love by another beautiful midwest girl?
Quiet
"So quiet. Like felt has blanketed the neighborhood. Hasn’t been a bus by in months. Planes rarely pass overhead. Helicopters neither. Little if any street traffic or pedestrians in the night. So quiet. Like the air is somehow more empty. Like the world outside is a void."
Marc Weidenbaum in June, 2020. Remember when it was this quiet?
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
— BLAISE PASCAL, "PENSÉES"
“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.”
—1 Thessalonians 4:11
“I’m not trying to be aloof. My superpower is that I mind my own business… And I actually think that helps my productivity more than anything.”
—Hanif Abdurraqib
“So my final thought: I don’t believe in utopias. I don’t believe in dystopias. What I do believe in is people taking care of each other. So please, take care of each other. Thank you.”
Charlie Jane Anders
Outro
You're a treasure, my dears. I love you a lot, and I wish I could hug you all.
Misha
