Fugue State — mnchrm vol. xliii
Summer's here and I hate it. I was sweating cooking breakfast this morning. I sweat in bed trying to sleep. There's no escape, no sweatless space apart from the moment you finish toweling yourself off after a shower only to be immediately engulfed in sweat once more.
I'm a winter kind of guy. I don't mind having one or two warm days to sit by the lake, but after that I'm over it. My ideal weather fluctuates between 60F and rainy and 65F and clear. So, where does that leave me, geographically? Bergen, Norway?
I'm a winter kind of guy. I don't mind having one or two warm days to sit by the lake, but after that I'm over it. My ideal weather fluctuates between 60F and rainy and 65F and clear. So, where does that leave me, geographically? Bergen, Norway?
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Last week was Anthony Bourdain day, celebrated on his birthday the 25th, a day to celebrate the passing of the traveler, TV host, chef, and downright interesting guy. I'm pretty staunchly against the concept of celebrities, but there have been a few celebrity deaths that have really struck me, and Anthony's might be the top of the list.
What is it about him that I (and clearly thousands around the world) find so interesting? Of course, he had an enviable life, globe-trotting, experiencing, learning; though of course it didn't convert to happiness for him. He succeeded being multifaceted and diversely talented in a world that values expertise.
More than anything, it was his worldview I aspire to: always honest with himself, earnest and genuine to other people, relentlessly empathetic, and open to learn. He traveled the world with the desire to experience other cultures with an open mind, and create empathy, community, and unity through the sharing of culture. What higher pursuit could there be than that?
What is it about him that I (and clearly thousands around the world) find so interesting? Of course, he had an enviable life, globe-trotting, experiencing, learning; though of course it didn't convert to happiness for him. He succeeded being multifaceted and diversely talented in a world that values expertise.
More than anything, it was his worldview I aspire to: always honest with himself, earnest and genuine to other people, relentlessly empathetic, and open to learn. He traveled the world with the desire to experience other cultures with an open mind, and create empathy, community, and unity through the sharing of culture. What higher pursuit could there be than that?
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I finished up my next review which will be going to the Kenyon Review. I had the chance to work with Adam Clay on this one, who is an incredible poet in addition to being a talented editor. He sent me back notes on my piece, and worked with me on the revision and I truly think the review is all the stronger because of it. It was just a joy to work with him on it, and I can't wait to share it with you all. I'm really proud of this one.
The editing process is really interesting to me, and something I'd like to try to do more of. One of the things I struggle with in writing is looking at my own work with the same critical and removed eye I give to other's work. I lose the horizon too quickly, get lost in my own words. Not only was getting the notes back from Adam super helpful, but just having that distance on my writing to look at it critically was fascinating.
I get caught up in what I'm writing, and can lose sight of the goal. One time, on the first draft of my novel manuscript, I was struggling to write a chapter. I had outlined the novel very rigidly, knowing what beats I wanted to hit per chapter, and just filling in the gaps between (my process has changed since then, but that's how it was when I started!). So, I had this plot point I was trying to hit in this chapter, and knew what came before and came after. But I just couldn't figure out how to get this moment to happen, let alone to work. I tried thinking my way through, rather than just sitting down to write, hoping I'd have a eureka moment and everything would come together for me.
Eventually, I gave up. I couldn't figure it out, so I decided to just sit down and try and force my way through (nowadays, I'd probably start with this, or at least turn to it sooner if going for a run didn't solve it). I sat down, opened my writing app, and the chapter was there. I'd written it sometime, perhaps in a sort of fugue state, and forgotten about it, even stressed and made myself anxious about something that had already happened.
The editing process is really interesting to me, and something I'd like to try to do more of. One of the things I struggle with in writing is looking at my own work with the same critical and removed eye I give to other's work. I lose the horizon too quickly, get lost in my own words. Not only was getting the notes back from Adam super helpful, but just having that distance on my writing to look at it critically was fascinating.
I get caught up in what I'm writing, and can lose sight of the goal. One time, on the first draft of my novel manuscript, I was struggling to write a chapter. I had outlined the novel very rigidly, knowing what beats I wanted to hit per chapter, and just filling in the gaps between (my process has changed since then, but that's how it was when I started!). So, I had this plot point I was trying to hit in this chapter, and knew what came before and came after. But I just couldn't figure out how to get this moment to happen, let alone to work. I tried thinking my way through, rather than just sitting down to write, hoping I'd have a eureka moment and everything would come together for me.
I don't have a writer's group (none of the attempts to form one online have worked out, a big part of the reason I'm considering doing an MFA), nor an editor. Really, the two editors I've worked with on these reviews are the only editors I've worked with to bounce ideas off of. When I saw the review, there were one or two lines Adam had questioned I didn't remember writing, and were a little awkward.
It's not uncommon for people to send me work to send them notes on, which I love doing. This short story project has also been wonderful for thinking critically about literature, especially a specific form like the short story (what works, what doesn't, why?) I've been thinking I'd like to try my hand at it more formally, though. I threw out the idea on Twitter last week on making a online literary journal for internet writers, something I'm still interested in doing. I have a pretty clear idea of what I'd like to do with it, so I'll let you guys know if I start making moves in that direction.
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I've recently jumped back into this language learning app, HelloTalk. I think many of us know or understand the idea that the best way to learn a language is to use it, especially in an immersive environment. HelloTalk is just for this. You set up a profile as a native speaker of some language, with the goal of learning another language. Then, you can match with others who are natives of the language you want to learn, and learning the language you're native with. From there, it's basically a chat app, with some translation features, and a system for making posts like other social media sites.
It's a neat concept. It's not dictated how much you chat in one language versus another, nor much of anything. There's an element of chance to it, like will the people you match with actually be good at teaching and correcting, or are they just there to chat? However, when it works it works. I've met two or so digital pen-pals I've kept up with for a few months or more. It's a cool opportunity to connect with peers across the globe.
For me learning Japanese, I've spent too much time recently focused on learning kanji, the Chinese characters used in Japanese. There's roughly 2000 you need to know the meaning and readings of to be considered "literate". And I haven't really practiced writing them much. Of course, it's something I need to learn on the steps to my goal, but only a part of it. Lately, kanji have come at the cost of studying grammar or sentence structure and pronunciation, so I'm hoping the desire to keep up a conversation and be useful to another real person will push me more towards rounding out my studies.
It's a neat concept. It's not dictated how much you chat in one language versus another, nor much of anything. There's an element of chance to it, like will the people you match with actually be good at teaching and correcting, or are they just there to chat? However, when it works it works. I've met two or so digital pen-pals I've kept up with for a few months or more. It's a cool opportunity to connect with peers across the globe.
For me learning Japanese, I've spent too much time recently focused on learning kanji, the Chinese characters used in Japanese. There's roughly 2000 you need to know the meaning and readings of to be considered "literate". And I haven't really practiced writing them much. Of course, it's something I need to learn on the steps to my goal, but only a part of it. Lately, kanji have come at the cost of studying grammar or sentence structure and pronunciation, so I'm hoping the desire to keep up a conversation and be useful to another real person will push me more towards rounding out my studies.
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I've been doing more diverse work this year than last, with a handful of photography gigs (including one today!), of course some writing, and bigger film work. I lose the forest for the trees often, wondering if I'm making progress or just spinning my wheels, but looking over where I am now versus a year ago, definitely feels like I'm getting closer, even if I'm not exactly sure where the finish line is.
Thanks for allowing me into your inbox this fine morning. I hope you US Citizen have a happy and safe 4th, and for those around the globe good luck in this heat!
Your faithful commander,
— I
Thanks for allowing me into your inbox this fine morning. I hope you US Citizen have a happy and safe 4th, and for those around the globe good luck in this heat!
Your faithful commander,
— I
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