A Return to Form — mnchrm vol. xxxi

Incoming Transmission —

Hello. It has been a while since I’ve sent one of these dispatches out; far too long.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling a little odd about writing. I wanted to step back from the blog this year and focus on two things: finishing my novel, and getting published. Both goals are much easier said than done, and I’ve been struggling enough with them that allowed some anxiety to creep in.

Over this weekend, I feel like I’ve gotten a better handle on what it means to be a writer, and what I’m trying to do with words. There’s a disconnect we often go through as artists, knowing the texture and quality of work we would like to produce, but confronting the dissonance between our ideals and the reality of the work we make.

About a year ago, I finished a draft of my novel in progress, which I’ve been calling ‘I/O’. I finished it, took the recommended break, and upon my return really struggled to confront what I’d written. Very simply, it wasn’t good. And being my first real novel experience, I struggled with figuring out how much should be rewritten vs. edited, and where I should be focusing my attention.

Now, the aversion and hesitance I felt to work on my book have transformed into a strong pull to dive into the world of the novel once more, and to revisit those same struggles. I’ve began in earnest a full rewrite of the novel, based mostly on a return to the initial “onesheet” I wrote when I began. I also rewrote my entire outline, or should say I am in the process of rewriting it, ideally only enough structure to know where I should be headed without getting caged in by it like I did in the first pass.

All in all, I am a much better writer than when I started this project, and feel much more confident about the shape I’m beginning to chisel out. Still hope to have a finished draft by the end of the year (ideally in a few months!), and just a few hundred words every day will get me there.

On the essay side of things, I tried to scale back the amount of work I put in to forming and writing non-fiction pieces into working on (mostly thinking about) fiction. Then, when I did have a piece I wanted to write, instead of just writing up a few drafts and posting it to mnchrm, I sent out the idea to an editor. However, I think I might’ve been putting the cart in front of the horse.

Without having much of anything traditionally published, even a few writing achievements don’t hold much weight. For a long time, I worried that I simply didn’t know how to pitch. Without having received much formal education on writing (aside from university screenwriting courses and one fiction and poetry course), I have long been anxious there’s some sort of arcane insider wisdom I have been missing. Some key that says I’m unpublishable without an MFA.

Really, essays and less-reported pieces are just a tough as hell market. And I’m just at the starting line.

This weekend, I took a one-day course on writing Cultural Criticism through a local writing education center in Chicago. It was lovely. Not only did the instructor offer useful tips for writing criticism and selling it, but I felt a new sense of confidence in what I was doing on leaving the course. I am hoping I can establish myself a bit writing critical pieces on books and other media (a lot of which I already make comprehensive analysis notes on), and sent out a few new pitches to those ends. Of course, I’ll let you all know how those go.

Meanwhile, there’s a few pieces I wanted to write that never got picked up by an outlet that I think still ring true; hope to get a new piece online for you all by next week.

Have you had any experiences that reaffirmed what you’re doing or interested in recently? Hit “reply” and let me know. In an out of character move for me, I ended up going to two different concerts this weekend, one of which had two headliner acts. The three main bands I went to see are metal bands I had not seen in person yet, so I wanted to take the opportunity.

I spent a lot of the weekend on the border of being sick, which I’m sure is just some small cold. Nevertheless, I went to the shows. In an ill-advised move, I neglected to bring earplugs for any of them; my ears are still ringing from the show last night, which I am hoping dissipates soon and fear may never! (I’m sure it will…)

For some reason, going to concerts makes me feel somewhat nervous; like I’m a poser or outsider trying to fake my way in. I get sweaty palms on the way in, really up until the show starts, when I inevitably have a great time. I’ve been trying to do things that push my comfort levels a bit more consciously lately, worry less about what others think. It seems like simple advice, but when you actually institute it, the results are really something special. I know I’ve said this before, but I really love the direct connection I have to all of you through this newsletter. It is so wonderful to be able to send writing directly to those who care about it, and I thank you for your time in reading it, and the conversations it generates. In a way, the newsletter is one of the most wondrous forms of writing as far as I’m concerned.

Seeing what Robin Sloan and Craig Mod have been doing with it for years, I want to redouble my efforts here. So consider this my commitment to you, dear readers; on more frequent newsletters, and more frequent posts on mnchrm covering what’s on my mind.

Hope you all had as lovely and restorative weekend as I did. Good luck with the week ahead! Until next time, my friends.
 

Your faithful commander,
 — I

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