PRISMATIC SLANT - An Update from my bed at 3:58AM on a Tues Morning
Dear Readers,
Spring is bit of a “blink and you’ll miss it” here in Detroit. For about a week and a half we lived in mid 60s sunshine and occasional rain showers. Now it’s sitting in the 80s with rain bursts and pollen motes lacing the breeze and from the weather forecast, the temps are only going up from here.
I’ve got perpetual dirt under my finger nails from digging around in our various garden beds, neighbors are gathering to languish on front porches, our leafy greens are taking root, seedlings ready for transfer and hot crops transplants chomping at the bit to be put in the ground.
I hit the bike lanes, littered with winter’s trash and this week’s lotto tickets. I collect perfectly functional 5 gallon buckets from a florist in a rich neighborhood tossing them out after an upscale wedding to reuse as “grow bags” for our tomatoes, peppers and okra.
The possums, pheasants and killdeer are out on promenade, in the empty lots, cloud dotted blue sky and the cracked sidewalks of my sprawling block. The house cats are shedding their winter coats and it feels like vacuuming and sweeping is a bit of a losing battle. I am walking on earth barefoot, developing those fabled calluses to stand up against the searing concrete of sun baked summer.
We’ve dug drainage trenches and reinforced our gutters to prepare for another season of flooding since the city doesn’t seem to be taking any action to prevent stormwater from wreaking havoc. My Mutual Aid shares wardrobe now includes arm guards, gloves, a wide brimmed hat and sunscreen. Some things are getting easier but most things are staying hard.
What I did realize this month is how much processing I still need to do. I wrote over 10k words for an issue I wanted to release today. I have decided not to release it, mostly because after reading all 10,000+ of those words, very few of them struck me as true and concise enough for publication. It was a lot of words but not the right ones.
With every chest-aching blood-boiling tragedy that occurred nationally this month, there was the emotional/psychological equivalent on my home turf. The hits just keep on coming. I have picked the corners of my fingernails down to bleeding splinters. I’m not sleeping well. My nicotine and caffeine intake has swung wild parabolas from one day to another. I’ve had a lot of very long very heavy conversations and I am so tired. The words reflect the exhaustion but even that seems somewhat hollow.
I spent a lot of time this month caring for others and I’m now realizing I did very little to care for myself other than maybe a week at the beginning of the May when I had a steady routine. Creatively I feel restless and unfocused and I need time to sus all that out. I plan on releasing a dual May/June issue on June 15th. I appreciate y'alls continued support and understanding. I suspect I’ll be making adjustments to formatting etc to streamline the process and I need to get back to structuring the work so the timeline is precise and I don’t bite off more than I can chew.
So, hold that dial. Tune back in June 15th. Until then, slather up the sunscreen, hug a comrade, stay hydrated and we’ll reconvene here soon.
Best,
Maddox