Reset On The Count of Four
feat. box breathing
I bought new shoes on Sunday, December 29th, 2024. It was the final purchase of what I have affectionately been calling the “Inadvertently Getting My Shit Together” phase because what started out as “I should clean my office” quickly escalated to “I should position myself to succeed in all avenues of my life” which culminated in getting new shoes. Specifically, a pair of running sneakers and a pair of black low top Converse shoes because I had a pair years ago I really liked and shoes unfortunately pair better with outfits than hiking sandals as much as I wear down my pair. This is also probably a sign to get fashionable sandals, but I’m getting off topic.
I got a new pair of shoes on Sunday and on Monday, when I woke up at 7AM, I laced up my sneakers for the first time and did a lap around the neighborhood. It was miserable. It’s a bleak and wet winter during this liminal time between the Christmas holiday and the New Year. But that didn’t matter. I had been inconsistent with habits that were good for me, and as I constantly manage to internalize everywhere else, you just gotta do the thing. So I walked at 7AM. And then again around lunch time. And then again at 6PM where there was absolutely no natural light. But I needed the steps. I needed the physical activity. I needed the cold on my face. I need to lip sync to a the uptempo verse of a melancholy ballad.
Ass we discussed, resolve is absolutely arbitrary, but when you manage to find it, you kinda need to double down on it. So on Tuesday morning, I woke up and did a lap around the neighborhood. But after lunch, instead of the neighborhood, I drove twenty minutes south to the Laumeier Sculpture Park. I was originally going to see if Cementland had any vestieges of its original charm, but a friend shared a picture of the park the night before which upended my plans, probably for the better. I was originally going to find fashion inspiration, although most of the pieces were less colorful, although exceedingly thought provoking.
It was a good hike. Forty five minutes around the park. Didn’t explore all of it, but explored enough to quell the wanderer in me. And the plaques definitely did a good job at speaking to my inherent existentialist.
One posited: How might a change in perspective help you understand a challenging situations?
Another had instructions for box breathing. Deep breathe in on a four count. Deep breath out on a four count. It works surprisingly well.
When I got home, I went back to the Laumeier Sculpture Garden website and saw they had a class at the end of January. And I signed up. And I bought tickets for a concert on January 4th to see my friend perform. And I pencilled in a writing group that I almost certainly do need to attend because I am capable of an egregious ammount of production as is, BUT, crucially that’s not the point.
The point is to put myself out there. The point is to try. The point is that I’ve grown accustomed to an equillbrium and it’s time to agitate that.
Do I particularly think I’ll enjoy all of these things? I don’t know. But it’s been a very long time since I tested my breaking points and how much socialization I’m capable of and it’s been so easy to stay at home with two very happy cats, but there are still places I’ve yet to explore and arbitrarily, might as well get a move on it.
So we’ll go to more sculpture gardens. So we’ll find reasons to leave the house regularly. So we’ll try things with no expectation of success or failure and we’ll work out the rest in post.
I’m already tired just thinking about it. But I might as well be tired actually doing something.