My friend Grady unexpectedly clocked me this afternoon with the astute observation “At some point, you are choosing to be tired.”

And I suppose I have. And I suppose I do. Perpetual motion is in fact a myth and is also not really an attainable goal. Constantly doing something probably shouldn’t be the default. But at the same time that I am "choosing to be tired” I am doing so because the work is good. The work is honest. The work is necessary. The work is worth doing, and as such, I am choosing tired. I am choosing bandages. I am choosing long rests. I am choosing to the chart the path. And perhaps ironically, I am in fact working such that I and others will eventually have to work less and that’s definitely something worth doing.

For example: I’ve been working with the Missouri Workers Center for four, five months now on their “No MO Dirty Data Centers” campaign. Now, I’m doing this out a deep seated hatred of generative AI and Large Language Models and data centers being the combination asbestos/snake oil factories fueling these things. Other folks are more concerned about the practical impacts of what a data center would do our utilities and quality of life. Some of the folks I’ve interacted with are in different counties fighting data centers on an entirely scale than the ones happening in my backyard.

Most of my January and February has been preparing for a Planning Commission’s meeting on 2/11, where the formal proposed rules and regulations for data centers in St. Louis were presented. And that meant preparing my own testimony and that meant preparing other people to testify. Mind you, I don’t testify often enough to be expert or anything, but I do know the fundamentals of argumentation and exposition and I know how to weaponize them.

Language is a game. I play to win.

“I wonder where you are, locked on the inside. I wonder where your thoughts are, out of the daylight.”

The Planning Commission’s proposed regulations were better than I originally thought. I ended up reading the 24 page document and making a 4 page summary that eventually fed to a one page sheet cheat sheet on how to testify. It’s the type of task where my tech comms come in handy. But as “thoughtful and considerate” as these regulations are, the proposal belies the actual reality. The threatening presence of these projects continuing to barrel through. The fights we have to pick. The battles yet to be thought.

“What’s the weight of the world worth to you, kid?”

I technically haven’t actually used this song for a monthly mixtape even though I have definitely mentioned it before. But the question in the chorus is worth repeating.

I used to be super pro-robot. I think there was a romanticism involved with humanity creating something that eventually transcends itself. An idealistic notion of legacy. And I think when faced with the pragmatic ways that our capitalist framework is treating chat bots better to people, I was forced to reconcile that I in fact actually care about people more. And that we need to care about people. I love technology. I love the ways it can bring us together, but the way that this particular framework has come about has galvanized me in a way I never thought possible, and so. Here we are.

“What you need is a sharp knife soul.”

Please ignore the rest of the lyrics in this song. This is only pertinent insofar that the phrase “what you need is a sharp knife soul” is one of those phrases I internalized in undergrad when it came down to revision.

I’m writer. I am not an editor. And I rely very heavily on editors to help me refine my writing.

About a half hour before the Planning Commission started, I discovered that instead of the 3 minutes I expected to have to testify, I had 2. So I began the perilous process of cutting an eloquent 3 into a tight 2. I thankfully did manage to find a makeshift editor who identified the parts that could be streamlined, but the pen scratches were on me. I cut fat. I kept the mic drops.

“They on some nonsense, we on some nonstop.”

Now, the confession here is that this actually the only song I actually did listen on the drive to the Planning Commission. The other three (and the last one) are more representative of the vibe, but this song was the fight song.

I pride myself on many things, but I mostly pride myself for being steadfast and studied. I pride myself on knowing and taking action with that knowing. I will back down if I’m wrong, but I also don’t think I’m wrong often.

And yes, I recognize the irony of aspiring of “some nonstop” to be counter to everything I musing on in the beginning, but this is a fight worth fighting.

Every time someone says this is somehow inevitable, I just want fight harder. And the dream is that one day, someone won’t have to fight so hard against this nonsense.

“NOW TESTIFY.”

Now is it incredibly on the nose to end my anecdote about how I testified with the most obvious Rage Against the Machine track?

Yes. But I love a button, and I’ve already written far much than usual for this particular mixtape, so this is what you’re gonna get.

Until next week.