A Completed Workbook of 5 Tongue-in-cheek Game Writing Exercises
All Writing Is Not Made Equal.
The internet is fun place. Last month, I saw a post on BlueSky (I will continue to refuse to call them skeets) that was a short thread of five different game writing exercises.
5 tongue-in-cheek game writing exercises that are a more realistic representation of what most game writers do (in my experience) than a branching dialog tree:
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.349Z
I will now proceed to attempt all five in this newsletter.
ONE: You're writing ultimate ability lines for a hero character in a pvp game. Her personality is "hot valkyrie with a katana." Write 20 lines for her, no more than 3 seconds each when spoken aloud or your audio director will hate you because she's chattering over gameplay.
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.368Z
1) Quench my blade.
2) Concentrate!
3) Consecrate!
4) Your survival is an edge case scenario.
5) Quick. Draw your weapon for a fair fight.
6) Sharp weapon for a such a dull figure.
7) You will relent.
8) Get to the point or meet mine.
9) You’re barely whetting my appetite for destruction.
10) I demand a worth death.
11) Do not dishonor my comrades.
12) MARCH FORWARD.
13) This ends here.
14) You promised a valiant end.
15) You have to be faster than that.
16) My victory will be written in your blood.
17) Tell me? Was all this effort worth it?
18) Another. Another! ANOTHER!
19) Don’t tell me you’re fleeing.
20) Don’t want to come closer?
TWO: The player can unlock 20 different motorcycles. Name each motorcycle and write a lore blurb for it that is no longer than 80 words. The only thing you can visually change about the motorcycle is its color, the model is already locked and is identical for each motorcycle.
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.387Z
1) RED RIDER (Rusted Red) - Your first ever motorcycle. Fast, reliable, and a little beat up, but still, you love it.
2) DEEP SEA SERPENT (Dark Blue) - Optimized for long stretches in the deepest parts of the ocean, you found the schematics for this motorcycle in the Mariana Trenches.
3) COASTAL CUTLASS (Light Blue) - Drift along the coastline and chase the horizon with the motorcycle you got from your mentor when you visited the Beach.
4) JAGUAR (Jaguar Print) - Discovered in the dark recesses of the jungle, this motorcycle has improved handling and fortified wheels.
5) JADE JUSTICE (Jade) - The Temple you find this motorcycle in may have been destroyed, but its legacy lives on with the JADE JUSTICE.
6) NOCTURNA (Matte Black) - A motorcycle designed for your first ever stealth mission.
7) VANTABLACK (Jet Black) - An upgraded version of NOCTURNA with even faster acceleration and top speed.
8) PURITY (White) - A gift from the Pope in thanks for your services during the Incident.
9) CODEBREAKER (Black with White Dots) - Discovered when you broke the Cyclops Cipher.
10) REGAL (Purple) - An award for your services with the King and Queen.
11) CRIMSON RIDER (Crimson Red) - An updated model of RED RIDER.
12) YELLOWJACKET (Yellow) - Discovered after infiltrating the Honey Farm.
13) VITAMIN C (Orange) - Who knew sponsorships could get you such sweet rides?
14) BLUESHIFT (Neon Blue) - A thank you gift from the city’s medics.
15) REDSHIFT (Neon Red) - A thank you gift from the city’s firefighters.
16) BRONZE BANDIT (Bronze) - Third Place in the Riviera Race Isn’t That Bad Right?
17) SILVER SAVANT (Silver) - Second Place in the Riviera Race Isn’t Bad.
18) GOLD GOLIATH (Gold) - To the victor of the Riviera Race.
19) EXPERIMENTAL RIDER (Neon Green) - You’re still not sure how you extracted a physical motorcycle from the internet, but at this point, you’ve stopped questioning things.
20) ROSE (Pink) - A gift from your partner.
THREE: Write a script for an NPC meant to help guide players through a tutorial. The NPC needs to be hilarious, not break the fourth wall, and also instruct the player on these subjects: how to fish, do a backflip, and change their graphics settings.
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.408Z
NPC: OLD ADAGES BE DAMNED [Player Name], you’re more than ready to handle our town’s proud tradition of fishing. All you got to do is [Cast with RB] and wait for a bite. [Press RB Again] and [Follow the Rhythm Game], and you’ll reel them with no problem.
NPC (Upon failure): Hey now, this is why some folks need to be given fish. How about you try again.
NPC (Upon success): THERE YOU GO. Backflips. Oh? You want to learn how to [Backflip]? All you to do is [Press Down D-Pad and Jump] at the same time.
NPC: Lemme take a look at you all grown up with your fishing skills and your backflips. Just yesterday, I was [Press Start, Open Settings, and Adjust Graphic Options] to see you better and look at you now? Just glowing.
FOUR: This NPC will ask the player to kill 40 forest wolves, 9 times. Write a short blurb that explains why this NPC needs the player to kill 360 forest wolves for some reason. Make it heartwarming, bleak, and memorable, but also keep in mind 98% of players won't read it.
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.434Z
Cirkara is a local witch who in an attempt to protect their town from outsiders, tried invoking a summoning circle to summon a guardian deity. However, given their unfamiliarity with summoning magic, they instead summoned 360 dire forest wolves that now prowl the outskirts of town. Fearful that the wolves may attack the town, they ask the player to slay the wolves hoping that it will scare the rest of them away. After nine cycles, the sacrifice of 360 wolves has actualy completed Cirkara’s ritual and summoned a friendly deity to protect the town, however, it comes up at Cirkara’s life, although they are happy that their act ultimately did end up protecting the town.
FIVE: We have a level. It's already fully complete with final art. It's an island with a volcano made out of literal donuts. Please write the intro VO a NPC will speak to the player which explains volcano donut island. No, it can't be funny. This game is extremely serious in tone
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis.bsky.social) 2025-01-14T17:57:36.453Z
NPC: Don’t let the cutesy appearance fool you. Mouth Bearclaw on Cruller Isle is one of the most dangerous areas you’ve infiltrated to date. Professor Wonut specifically engineering the island to be made of donut, whose soft texture makes it impossible for tanks to navigate the interior and makes traversal by foot incredibly dangerous. The magma is actually recycled frying oil that keeps Professor Wonut’s supply lines steady, but without heat resistant armor, it’s going to be a death sentenece to try and use those to get to Wonut. The one advantage is that since you don’t need to carry food supplies this time, we can send you down with more tech. Good luck.
~
You’ll have to tell me how I did.