On Birds, Class, and Knowledge or Something
It has been a while. May was Mental Health Awareness Month… and let me tell ya’, I was aware of it! I have been making and doing and sitting and resting, and I’ve even taken up very amateur bird watching. I was turned onto the Merlin Bird ID app through Cornell University which—as one of its many features—is able to identify birds via live recordings of their sounds on your phone.
As much walking through the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens (my happy place, next to the cemetery) and Prospect Park as I do, I thought I’d give the app a shot on one of my treks. Um, it’s amazing. I could ramble on and on, but the key take away from my new little hobby is that there are so many sounds that I hear on these almost daily walks that I have absolutely been taking for granted. There were bird calls on my walk from birds I did not know existed in New York. It has reminded me that there is so much that I don’t know about, and it’s making me feel better about things, for some reason. Humility is cool. Thank you, birds.
I’ll be showing the second iteration of some new work I’ve been making alongside I’m Going to Marry Your Dad at The Brick on June 24. As part of this new chapter of work, I’ve had to crawl out of the pit of self-doubt and remind myself that I know things—I have skills and training and experiences that inform what I do and how I do it. I don’t know if this is relatable, but I often find it hard to remember my strengths. Like I’m not supposed to dwell on them because that’s… unbecoming? Idk seems like nonsense. Luckily I am at a point where I am seeing these strengths again—the comedy, the dance, the theater, the lessons from working-class jobs, the things I’ve read and skimmed, the people I’ve learned from, the somehow still being around to make little jokes about it.
Part of my work is coalescing these experiences and skills, remembering I have them while trying to keep moving forward—wherever that is leading. Something about the diversity of unknown birds a few blocks from my apartment is helping me position myself in the reality that A. I don’t know everything, B. I DO know some things, C. There is still time to learn more things, and D. Where did I learn this lie that I am expected to know everything? Yes, thanks again, birds.
Research is becoming more interesting to me. What is possible when I learn with and from the right collaborators? What does right mean, and what am I overlooking? What more is there right in front of me that I could start exploring with the right tools? What other unexpected fields might illuminate more on the paths I’ve been on? Maybe a scientist’s mind can help me be a better writer or mover, maybe I need to garden more or read something I wouldn’t normally. One more time, thank you, birds.
I am overcoming a lot of class rage/guilt/fear at the moment too, which I think is deeply tied to all of this expectation for a certain kind of knowledge. If I’m going to be poor, then I better be smart. Spending time with those who have “made it,” or those who come from generational wealth can be tricky (I imagine how much more freedom and fearlessness I might feel if I knew I could easily afford a higher degree or more training or the extended leisure time to explore and experiment). I am trying not to let distain for the out of touch rich control me, but rather guide me. I have got to get smarter; I have got to remember how smart I am; I have got to make more money; I have got to dismantle the need for money.
Remember how loud the birds were when the economy was almost on pause? They sang louder, maybe for those still forced to work or maybe because the slowness meant we were onto something. Despite all of the death and injustice of the past few years alone, when we all started to slow down, they came back more loudly. I think there’s something there. BIRDS!
Anyway, I’m hoping to keep sending these more regularly. As a minor update: I’ve started working with Artists’ Literacies Institute; I have a show next week; and I heard a Barred Owl the other day.
If you’d like to support my writing, feel free to leave me a tip on Venmo or PayPal. I also welcome feedback and thoughts.
Talk soon, girlies xx
THINGS, OPPORTUNITIES, JOBS, OPEN CALLS, ETC.
Celebrate Pride with Miss Lady Salad and I’m Going to Marry Your Dad
The show at The Brick is a lot about my mental health, my non-binariness, my silly little jokes, distain for the Art World, and longing to belong. It’s silly, and I’m proud of it. It would be great if you could make it or share the word.
Apply to the Exponential Festival
OPEN CALL: The Ivory Tower and the Open Worlds
Send me anything you'd like to shared in this section x