How am I DOING?
I am home sick. It’s hard to tell if it’s exhaustion, existential restructuring of my DNA, some weird new plague, or a secret fourth thing. I’m certainly exhausted. I don’t know how anyone isn’t.
There is dread in the air, and I know that’s how authoritarianism works. Exhaust, distract, overwhelm. The news cycle is bleak and terrifying, and it’s hitting home for more and more people fast. There is so much fear and confusion surrounding Medicaid being cut, PEPFAR being halted, ICE agents in schools, trans rights being dissolved in real time, an AIDS denialist nearly sworn in as Health Secretary, Federal grant freezes potentially crumbling vital services and non-profits, and Lady Gaga’s Mayhem cover image. It’s a lot.
During Trump’s first term in office we saw the rise of many artists turning to #RESIST art to make sense of the dissonance they were feeling. The pink pussy hats and orange man bad paintings will live on forever as things I don’t want to see again. And yet, here we are. Again. Will calling him Drumpf and CheetohDust be enough to ward off a spiraling descent into fascism? Will art save us so we can go back to being comfortable?
I am preparing for a performance in a few weeks. I am filtering through applications for other art opportunities. I am finding it hard to care. How can I compartmentalize all of this shit storm to “focus on my career”? There is a pervasive narrative that art, in and of itself, will save us. Art is going to save us! Art is going to build community! Art is going to make some rich people richer (but also SAVE US!!!!).
But it won’t. Art is not answering the helpline. Art is out to lunch. Art is planning what to take to the next fair so that it can afford the house in Aspen. “But Art is dangerous!” No, sharing ideas is dangerous. Speaking the truth is dangerous. Pushing back against genocide and injustice is dangerous. And when Art decided it needed to quiet down those thoughts in exchange for career aspirations devoid of ideas so that rich collectors with bad politics could hang it in their doomsday bunkers, it lost its power.
A dear friend recently shared a video of David Lynch talking about how suffering is antithetical to creativity–if we are suffering, we cannot truly create. Creation is stifled by suffering, by lack, by exhaustion and turmoil. Who gets to create unburdened? Those who can create “full-time” without the need for outside work? Those who are not reliant on the collector or the gallery or the funded residency to bankroll them? Those with time? And who can afford time? How are any of us creating unburdened?
There are many, many artists I respect who are part of the Capital-A Art World. They sell their work to charities or donate what they make. They push back against their collectors by refusing to silence the politics in their work. Maybe some of them grew up rich, maybe some didn’t. And sometimes those artists get dropped when they become too spicy. There are many, many other artists who have nothing but Art World Aspirations and will do anything to climb that ladder. And that’s fine, I guess. But at a certain point… what’s the point? When the world is on fire, who cares what rung of that little status ladder you’re on?
I saw this quote story from @babywasu on Instagram today that has spoken to a lot of what I’ve been feeling.
We have to be clear in what we’re saying. And in order to be clear, we have to have a real point of view. And in order to do that, I think, we need to know some shit. To feel it and to know when to put down the paintbrush and help your neighbor. It’s also important to remember when we need art–to remember what is good, to know value in taking time, to see the nuance and awe of the world. If we lose our ability to feel these things, what’s the point? If the world burns away, what’s the point? The fight is two pronged–and it is a fight, baby bear.
Art and creation need clarity–of idea, of intention, of political stance. Everything is political, even art. Especially art. Art is a tool that can connect, that can challenge authority. But it is not inherently that. It depends on who creates it and why. It depends on existing in something firm.
For example:
Okay the edible has reached the station. GTG