September 23, 2025

Grieving in Stages

you're never really ready

Hello there, readers.

My beloved Oma passed away this weekend, and you can truly never be 100% prepared, can you?

I have oh so very much to say, but am writing this Saturday night while preparing to head across the state to help clean out Oma’s room at her nursing home and then sort through all of her belongings in storage at my aunt’s house and stay until I’m not quite sure when.

I am so fortunate to have had a grandmother in my life until almost my 45th birthday ~ I’m well aware. Maybe it just makes the loss that much bigger though? More years to remember? I can’t stop going through pictures.

I was one of Oma’s primary family caregivers / touchpoints for years after Opa died and she moved near me, and we formed the extremely close relationship we weren’t able to always have when I was younger and just one of 16 grandchildren, many of whom lived much closer to her and Opa than my family did.

Her health started rapidly declining two years ago, and she moved away from me again to be closer to an aunt who is retired and could offer much more support than we could here. Last year she stopped recognizing me, but I maintain most vehemently that she always knew I loved her even when she couldn’t remember my name.

I have been grieving in stages since she moved away, have visited multiple times recently and saw the recent intense decline, knew she was on hospice, knew the morphine was started, knew the hospice team had made the call that the end was near, but when I got the call from my aunt, I still instantly burst into tears and have been crying on and off all night.

She had celebrated her 90th birthday with a huge room of loved ones back in April. She died pain-free and peacefully with loved ones in the room and it was as perfect for her as it possibly could be.

I KNEW it was coming, but it’s never over until it’s over and then … it’s OVER. The loss of a matriarch of a large, sprawling family is so acute ~ who is the touchpoint now? The era is over, everyone adrift.

Hug your people. Call your people. Send them a card. If you don’t have elders left in your life, intentionally form relationships with people a generation or two generations above you if you can.

Take care out there, dear readers.

Thanks for stopping by!