We Are Chasing Comfort Too Much
What if we stepped a little into our discomfort zone?
Discomfort. We naturally want to pull away from it – whether it's physical, mental, or emotional unease.
We find clever ways to escape by:
- Doing busywork
- Procrastinating
- Over-planning
- Zoning out
- Even getting sick
These escape routes feel like relief. But what if they actually keep us stuck?
By always avoiding discomfort, we also avoid growth, learning, and the important opportunities waiting just outside our comfort zone.
What if, instead of impulsively trying to escape, we paid mindful attention to our discomfort?
This means observing the discomfort without reacting right away. It means recognizing that discomfort is part of the process by which we grow.
Facing discomfort with full awareness allows us to:
- Become stronger and more resilient.
- Learn about ourselves and our typical ways of reacting.
- Choose how to respond instead of reacting automatically.
- Take necessary actions we might otherwise avoid.
What's one discomfort you usually try to escape?
What if you simply noticed it next time, without immediately pushing it away?
From the edge of the comfort zone,
/rajesh
With my previous businesses, I was always able to slowly develop the business using money I earned from my weekly paychecks. My most recent business venture requires a lot of up front capital, and so I had to go into debt to raise the funds to begin it's development. Even when I failed with my other businesses, I still ended them debt free. Not being able to pay in full ahead of time is a horrible feeling that has me uncomfortable every day. It was a necessary step towards building this kind of business I want..... Yuck!
Thank you for sharing this – it’s a powerful, real-world example that gets right to the heart of so many of these ideas. I really appreciate you sharing this.
You've perfectly described the flip side of the "chasing comfort" theme. You have intentionally chosen not to chase comfort. You've embraced the discomfort of debt because you recognize it's a necessary step toward the meaningful direction you've chosen for your new business. That takes real courage and commitment, and you should acknowledge yourself for that.
That "horrible feeling" you described is completely understandable. It’s the very real price of stepping outside your comfort zone to build something new. You're not doing anything wrong by feeling it; you're feeling the reality of the commitment you've made.
This situation brings a few of our other themes into practice:
Embracing Discomfort: You are doing this right now! The challenge isn't to make the "yuck" feeling disappear, but perhaps to change your relationship with it. Instead of just feeling it, can you mindfully observe it? Notice it when it arises and say to yourself, "There is that feeling of discomfort. It is here because I am building something important." This small shift from being the feeling to observing the feeling can create a bit of space and clarity.
Self-Compassion: This is a perfect time to practice what we explored in the newsletter on kindness. It's not about making excuses, but about being kind to yourself while navigating this hard process. Acknowledging "This is tough, and it's okay that I feel uncomfortable" is an act of self-compassion that builds the resilience you need.
Process > Achievement: Right now, you are deep in the process. The discomfort is part of that process. Your focus can be on the daily, consistent actions you are taking to move the business forward. Each small step, each bit of progress, is a win in the process, and that's where you can place your attention.
It sounds like you've made a very deliberate and difficult choice to stay true to your path. That's the essence of mindful, impactful action. The discomfort is a testament to the fact that you're taking a real risk on something you care about.
Thank you for this discussion!
In the section of your reply, "Embracing Discomfort" you respond to my feeling of "yuck" for going into debt for my business with an alternative, and more positive, framing of the situation but saying: "There is that feeling of discomfort. It is here because I am building something important." I read this a while ago, and used this to comfort my wife, who is building the business with me. She was feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and I adopted your mindset and reminded her that we are the lucky ones because we GET to feel this stress. So many people experience little stress because they aren't building something special like we are. Once they clock out, it's simply time to relax until the morning. But we get to feel the stress of bringing something new to the world, and it's an honor. This actually helped her relax significantly. Leaving the realm of business, this mindset you shared Raj reminds me of a great Richard Dawkins quote that has helped me accept my future death. He writes in an essay, or a part of one of his books, that "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones..." Then follows it up by describing the wild improbabilities that we individuals, that I Artie, or you, Raj, would ever leave the realm of nonexistence and experience this joy that is called Life. So while it will come to an end for us, what Dawkins wrote has helped me appreciate the life that I've been blessed with, more than fearing it's end. Here's a link to a video where he reads it (I think the best part starts from the beginning until 48 seconds in): https://youtu.be/IOXMjCnKwb4?si=NhEfXg-Kcd2VdWvE
I love Richard Dawkins' books, discussions, and debates.That quote of his you cited is really useful great filter through which we should look at adversities. The idea that we face adversities because we are the lucky ones who get to have a life is as underrated as it is true!
Yes, you guys are in a wonderful position: you get to build your own business and own life-style with so much control over the parameters that govern your freedoms.
That stress of building something that has never existed can, indeed, lead to excitement instead of anxiety... when we change our relationship with it.
It's no wonder that anxiety and excitement manifest in us through the very same physiological processes, the only difference being how we let our mind interpret them as negative or positive.