Things I Learned This Year
a year of hard earned lessons
There’s still two weeks plus left in 2021 but I’m rushing to end it because it was a bad, bad year. And even though it was a terrible year, personally, there are lessons I learned that will stay with me, that will keep me going into 2022 with a new perspective.
I usually do a year end recap, reminiscing about vacations and exciting times, about the trials and tribulations of the year past. I don’t want to do a play by play of what went down this year, but instead will look at all the things I learned in 2021. Not all of them are good things; it’s been that kind of year. So here goes.
I learned that forever is a construct, that it’s just word people use when they don’t want to put an end date on something. Forever can be a long time. It can also be a lie.
I learned that unconditional love is cruel, especially when it’s not reciprocated. Allowing for people’s mistakes and flaws means you hope they will do the same for you and when they don’t, it hurts more than if you had put conditions on your love.
I learned that heartbreak is real, that it’s physical as well as emotional, that you will feel it in every bone, every muscle, every breath until you learn to not feel anything at all.
I learned how to deal with deep loneliness, how to combat the pervasive darkness that permeates the soul when your heart has been broken. I learned to lean on friends on family, to accept support, to trust that other people in my life want the best for me.
I learned I am resilient, that when adversity pops up I may go into a funk but ultimately I face the problems, meet them head on, and take care of them. I learned how to take matters into my own hands, to wrest control, to make things happen. I’ve never been good at any of that and now I am.
I learned how to love myself, how to love my own company, how to say yes to me and no to others. I learned to be selfish in the best possible way.
I learned I am my own best advocate, that no one is going to go to bat for me like I will.
Mostly I learned that even when it feels like my heart and soul have shattered into a thousand little pieces, that I can sweep up the pieces and glue them back together into something maybe not whole, but close to it.
It was an educational year, and I would rather have not had to learn all these things about myself, but I did and now I am better off for it.