the morning after
reacting to last night's news with anger and helplessness
I am a woman. I am a woman who has never had an abortion, nor have I experienced a moment where I thought I might need an abortion. But I am a woman who believes in the necessity of abortion, who believes that abortion is health care, who supports people who are in need of abortion services. It’s a frightening time in our country right now as we watch our rights slowly being stripped away. I am angry, I am scared, and I feel a helplessness that is overwhelming.
Every day on my way home from work I drive by a Planned Parenthood. I’ve been driving this route for 24 years and never have I seen a day where there isn’t a group of old white men out there protesting, making life hell for the patients of the clinic who are already going through trauma. Once in a while there’s a young man with them, and someday he’ll also be an old white man protesting abortion every day. Sometimes I drive right past, but sometimes traffic keeps me in front of the clinic for a minute or two and I’ll usually give the protesters the finger. A futile gesture on my part, for sure, but it makes me feel good for a second.
I was talking about this with a friend and they remarked “you gotta admire their dedication.” No, I do not. I do not have to admire their dedication to a cause that makes people suffer. I do not have to admire how they want to strip people of their rights, how they are using religion to subjugate people, how they do not care about the babies that will be born into disadvantage if abortion is illegal, how they don’t even think about the healthcare crisis that will happen if they have their way. I do not respect any of this and honestly, I think they are selfish, myopic, and mean spirited in nature. They want you to suffer.
I am angry today. I am upset and rattled and feeling somewhat hopeless. As our president stands before us and says it’s on us to go and vote in November, I come to terms with the fact that we are really without any solid leadership. The people steering the ship are just lackadaisically hoping they find land instead of actively doing something about it.
When I was very young, back in elementary school, I used to think that the pledge of allegiance and the Star Spangled Banner were what this country was all about. Liberty and justice for all. Land of the free, home of the brave. The older I got, the more I scoffed at these ideas. Anyone who believes in those lines, that freedom is for all, that liberty is for everyone, has long since become my enemy. We are the home of cowards, of people who hide behind their bible, who spout words of piety at us while not exhibiting anything resembling grace or empathy. They are a self-serving multitude who have banded together to endanger the lives of those they deem to be below them. I had such blind hope for America when I was very young; by the time I was a teen that hope was abandoned and I’ve been mad at this country ever since.
It’s only getting worse. They have been emboldened. They have come for abortions, and now they will come for gay marriage, they have come for transgender rights, they will do anything they can to subvert the voting power of minorities. They want this country white and Christian and fuck anyone who doesn’t fit into those categories.
I once naively thought the pandemic would become an opportunity to grow as a country, to see our needs laid bare and do something about them. I thought we’d right social wrongs, that we would get on the road toward free healthcare for everyone, that we would expand social safety nets. But none of that happened and now we are in an even worse place than before. I go on twitter and there are people screaming at me to vote, vote vote. We tried that. And look where we are. What do we do now? We protest, we donate to causes, we call our representatives, but we have done all this before and it just never seems to get better, only worse.
I am sorry for all people who will be put in a precarious situation because of this. I want to scream, I want to fight someone on your behalf. I don’t really know what I’m getting at today. I am so wound up, so beside myself with anger and despair.
I keep going back to friend who admired the dedication of the abortion protesters. Save your admiration for the people who are tirelessly out there being activists for people who are having their rights stripped. Admire the people who day after day advocate for your rights.
If you feel like there’s nothing you do, rest assured there is. Give to local abortion funds. They need your donations now more than ever.
[I realize this is all very haphazard and it’s more of a rant than a newsletter. But I know you are angry, too. I know you are feeling despair for all the people out there who will be impacted by this, for our country in general. I don’t know what to do at this point. The people in power who can help us seem like they’ve given up. It’s a terrible feeling and I just want you to know you are not alone. Maybe together we can do something, and if you have any ideas, I’m here.]