Something Gained
gaining and losing in the new year
Happy New Year. I suspect this year will be pretty much like the last, spent mostly hiding in our houses, studying charts and graphs to see if it’s safe to resume our “normal” lives yet. I imagine it will be a while before we can do that, and I’ve already settled into a sort of quiet complacency about it, accepting our fate as something we do not have the capacity to change.
Things are different now and while our approach to living in a new year might have changed a bit, there’ is a constant that runs through it, a familiar tug to do what we have done every new year since we were old enough to realize we need to evolve and change: make resolutions.
Every year we say the same thing. The new year is going to bring a new you. Something about tearing down the old calendar and putting up a new one causes us to become contemplative. Twelve new months ahead of us, months in which we can accomplish things, change things, become a better person.
Most of our resolutions revolve around losing. We are going to lose weight. We are going to lose bad habits. We are going to lose toxic friends, emotional baggage and unhealthy attributes.
We start off every year thinking about what we are going to lose and those thoughts are full of negative connotations; I don’t like myself the way I am. I am not good enough. I need so much improvement. I am not who I want to be. We talk like we need to shed the skin we are wearing instead of learning how to be comfortable in that skin. We talk as if we need to spend the year becoming someone or something else instead of learning to love who we are. We talk too much about losing, and we set ourselves up for failure when we do that.
What if we talked about what we can gain instead? What if we made a positive connection between ourselves and our resolutions?
It just sounds healthier and more beneficial to our overall mindset to think in terms of what value we can add to our lives instead of what we need to subtract. We are works in progress, all of us, and resolutions to lose things can be a detriment because then we’re already starting out the new year thinking in negative terms. I’m fat, I’m lazy, I’m a slob. I need to change. I need to lose who and what I am.
No, you need to gain. You need to continue to be true to your core self and appreciate all that you are already, then move forward from there with the idea that you are going to add to the good qualities you have. You’re going to learn how to speak to yourself in positive terms, you’re going to look in the mirror and not think about the weight you wanted to lose, the habits you wanted to drop. You’re going to think about what good you are adding.
Let’s face it. There was not a lot to enjoy in 2020. There was a lot of anxiety and despair, a lot of fear and depression. So think about making resolutions that you can’t fail on. Contemplate gaining joy. Think about resolving to make your life more fun, more enjoyable. Vow to read more books, watch more movies, play more video games. Promise to binge some tv shows and look at more sunsets. Think about cooking and baking things you never tried before. Swear to yourself that you will gain pleasure. We’ve had a hard time of it the past ten months. It’s time to treat yourself good.
I can think of a hundred things I’d want to lose in the new year. I could set goals for myself that would only end up making me feel bad in the end when I don’t attain them. Instead I’m going to gain things. Maybe I’ll gain a new appreciation for historical fiction. Perhaps I’ll become adept at making my own pasta. Or learn how to sew. Maybe not. Maybe I’ll just hone my nap taking skills and learn how to relax without feeling guilty about it. I’ll gain the life skill of doing absolutely nothing and being thrilled about it.
I just don’t want to start this year by putting restraints on myself. I don’t want to set goals that will become burdens and ruin my sense of self worth. We’ve been through enough. It’s time to be treat yourself well. It’s time to say you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by just being good to yourself for once. Read those books you couldn’t get through in 2020. Watch the rest of those half started movies. Listen to more new music. Be kind and gracious to yourself this year. We’re going to need it.