a letter to my daughter
a send off as she leaves long island for california
We threw a going away party for my daughter this weekend. I’ve already written about how she’s leaving New York, heading to California next week (!) to live out her dreams and all that entails for me, emotionally. But this isn’t about me. I’ve been putting so much emphasis on how I’m feeling, how sad I am, how this affects me that I have not taken into consideration how my sadness might make Natalie feel. I don’t mean to make her feel guilty, I don’t want her to leave for this adventure thinking that I feel bad about it. And so, to send her off, a letter to my daughter upon her moving 3,000 miles away.
Dear Natalie,
First off, let me say how happy I am for you and how proud I am that you are taking this plunge to do something you’ve wanted to do for years. I truly admire your determination to make this work, to see your dreams unfold.
From the day you were born, you were a fighter. Your birth was difficult for both of us and was touchy for a bit, but you finally found your way into my arms and lord how you screamed about being born. Your aunts heard you from the waiting area. “She’s a fighter,” one of the nurses said. “She’s going to give you problems,” said another.
Of course you gave us problems, that is what children do. But as stubborn as you were, you were always open to suggestions about how to make things easier or better for yourself. You were constantly looking for ways to improve yourself, whether it was becoming a better writer or playing basketball.
Remember when you insisted I sign you up for the Hofstra summer basketball camp even though you were tiny for your age and had no discernible athleticism? You were determined to become a good basketball player. You did not let something like height get in your way. You found something that interested you, threw yourself into it, and tried with all your might to excel at it. I was so proud of you, and that perseverance you exhibited became so much a part of personality. It is the thing I admire most about you.
I’m not worried about you acclimating to your new home state because you never shied away from new experiences. When things change, you accept them and adapt. You are always eager to embark on new adventures. You make friends wherever you go. I have no worries that you will feel lonely or scared; it’s just not in you to be afraid.
You are a woman of many talents, and I know all those talents and the passion you put into them will take you a long way. You’re a photographer, a writer, a yogi, and you do all those things with love in your heart. This is how you always were. Even if you were just fingerpainting you would concentrate so hard on your picture that no one could talk to you while you created. Every piece of art you drew was a treasure. Every story you wrote was charming. You’ve carried that all on through the years, taking care to make sure the photographs you take for people are the best you can give them.
I say I will worry about you, but that’s just what parents do. I worry about how others are going to treat you. I worry about earthquakes. I worry about you driving across the country again. But I don’t worry about you making it in California. I know you will. I have full confidence in you. If there’s one defining thing about you, it’s how you always manage to make things work, how you take difficult situations and turn them into opportunities.
I am so proud of you for taking this plunge. I am happy to see you fulfilling a dream. I respect the way you have worked your ass off to make this happen. I’m going to be sad to say goodbye to you, there’s no getting away from that. I’m going to miss the hell out of you. But I am not sad you are going, because I truly believe it’s what you were meant to do and this part of your journey is necessary.
We have a week left together and I am going to cram as many hugs and tears and advice into it as I can. Then next week, when I see you off, I will do so with a smile and the knowledge that you will be a success out there. This is the best version of you I’ve ever known so I know you are ready for this. There’s more out there for you than you can find on Long Island and I’m thrilled you are going for it
I love you, Natalie. Be careful, be strong, and always be yourself.
Love,
Mom