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August 22, 2024

Whatever: America suddenly becomes aware of the existence of Minnesota

Crapto

  • The scammers pushing cryptocurrencies have found someone they can relate to, and they're spending record amounts to try and get him elected. He's reciprocating by promising a strategic bitcoin stockpile.
  • Silicon Valley VCs Marc Andreessen and Ben Horowitz are also on board.

Science

  • We get about half our oxygen from the ocean. Scientists have discovered a lot of it is being produced by deposits of metals on the ocean floor. Obviously mining companies are working out how to dig up the deposits, because how could that possibly be a problem?
  • Electric vehicles are as bad for particulate matter emissions as conventional vehicles, because of their weight.
  • 20% of young children who've had COVID now show symptoms of Long COVID.

Business news

  • Disney attempted to get a wrongful death lawsuit dismissed on the grounds that the deceased had once signed up for a free trial of the Disney+ streaming service, and had therefore agreed to a contract requiring that they submit to binding arbitration for any dispute.
  • Logitech came up with a great new business idea: a computer mouse you have to pay a monthly subscription to use.
  • Lenacapavir can prevent HIV infection. It could be sold for $40 at a 30% profit. The actual price from pharma company Gilead: $42,250.

AI

  • Microsoft, Palantir and OpenAI are working together to sell AI software to government agencies.
  • End-of-life decisions are hard, why don't we let AI decide whether people live or die?
  • How about an AI friend you wear around your neck?
  • 47% of employees using AI say they have no idea how to achieve the productivity gains their employers expect, and 77% say the tools have decreased their productivity and added to their workload.

Elongation

  • A reporter took a drive in a "self-driving" Tesla, and didn't feel safe.
  • Xitter revenue is now down 84% since the business genius took over.
  • Elon's put up a "voter registration" web site that attempts to collect data from visitors in swing states who think they're registering to vote.
  • Elon once tried to join an SF Bay area furry ageplay community but was kicked out. Yes, there are photos. I'm guessing ErmnMusk was short for Ermine Musk.

Politics

  • Trump took a trip on one of Jeffrey Epstein's planes again, but this time to campaign fundraising events.
  • JD Vance left his Venmo transactions public.

Minnesota

  • The Anoka County Fair featured a silent disco where you could dance with farm animals.
  • A Great Pyrenees dog was elected Mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota. So that's another politician who might have humped a couch.

More political jokes

  • Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was barred from the ballot in New York on the grounds that he lied about his residency in the state. His campaign has called the ruling "openly partisan", citing his falconry license. Perhaps they need a specialist in bird law.
  • Liz Truss was appearing at a live event when a banner was dropped behind her, showing a lettuce and the words "I CRASHED THE ECONOMY". She stormed off stage .

Education

  • A Texas school banned students from wearing all-black clothing, saying it's "associated with depression and mental health issues".

Law and order

  • A man was accused of decapitating a seagull after it tried to steal french fries from his daughter.
  • Ohio's Supreme Court has ruled that boneless chicken wings can contain bones.

Suggested reading

  • "Things the guys who stole my phone have texted me to try to get me to unlock it"
  • "Crying myself to sleep on the biggest cruise ship ever"

And finally

  • Yo, dawg, I heard you like Apple software testing software.
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