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January 15, 2022

The Weekly Whatever: Who is Ray Epps?

Lost property department

  • Norway tells military conscripts to return their underwear so new recruits can use them.

  • Capitol rioters called Nancy Pelosi’s office looking to claim back items they had left behind, so helpful police officers took their contact details and said they’d be in touch.

Years, actual and imagined

  • The hottest 8 years on record were the last 8 years.

  • Man who doesn’t even remember the 90s chooses to live in them.

Permademic Season 3

  • CDC is going to give up on COVID-19 rules for cruise ships because they’re basically all full of cases.

  • Hundreds of doctors call on Spotify to do something about Joe Rogan, ex-podcaster and “menace to public health”.

  • Q: How do you get a Republican to support vaccination requirements? A: Tell him he can use them to punish the poor.

Sir David Attenborough never told me about this

  • Female dolphins have clitorises, male dolphins probably can’t find them.

  • Cockroach burrows into man’s ear, finally removed after 3 days.

Business news

  • Car makers are desperate to stop you from being able to repair your own car. (What Would Click and Clack Do?)

  • Canon can’t get enough DRM chips, so they are forced to tell customers how to use unapproved toner cartridges.

  • Second Life would like to remind you that they already built their own metaverse, complete with blackjack and hookers.

Questionable decisions

  • Texas teacher discovers her son has COVID, shuts him in the trunk of the car to take him home without being exposed to it.

  • Man who tried to kill the Queen with a crossbow recorded a threatening video claiming to be a Sith Lord before the attempt.

Mistakes were made

  • The grand old Duke of York is now the Andrew formerly known as Prince.

  • Followup: Mayor says they badly underestimated how angry people would be about that police chief who put SS insignia on his door, called himself obergruppenfuhrer, and joked about the Holocaust.

Imagination nation

  • It’s impossible to overdose on Fentanyl by touching it, so why do police officers keep claiming it has happened?

  • Who is Ray Epps? WHO IS RAY EPPS? Is he a fed? Is he Antifa? Turned out Ray Epps is a member of “Oath Keepers”…

Actual science that actually matters

  • The virus that causes mono may also be the trigger for multiple sclerosis

  • Mild to moderate COVID-19 can give you an 8+ month immune system dysfunction.

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