The Weekly Whatever: Scott Morrison is no Ted Nugent
Drug news
Ben & Jerry’s — but for dogs.
UK drug dealers now offering “ethically sourced” “environmentally friendly” cocaine.
Free heroin, cocaine and meth handed out outside the Vancouver police department.
Science and nature
Motorcycle runs on condom full of swamp gas.
Malaysian authorities crush 1069 cryptocurrency mining rigs with a steamroller. (It’s a start.)
Club of Rome predictions still fitting reality, we’re right on schedule for a civilizational collapse around 2040.
Meadow froghoppers can suck 80x harder than an elephant and pee 1000x their body weight in a day.
Scientists train ferrets to sniff out bird flu in mallard duck feces.
Solar power is so cheap that we’ll just have to keep burning gas.
Questionable decisions
Woman decides to let God take the wheel. Turns out God is a terrible driver.
Anyone for mac’n’cheese ice cream and baked bean smoothies?
Bored Taco Bell employees set off fireworks in the restaurant, then realize they’ve locked themselves out.
LA beaches closed after 17 million gallons of untreated sewage is dumped in the bay.
Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you can still claim qualified immunity, if you’re a cop.
Man angry about baggage fees ditches bag and claims there’s a bomb in it.
Important announcements
Australian Prime Minister says he definitely didn’t shit his pants at a McDonalds in 1997.
Microsoft launching its own Linux distribution and bringing back Clippy.
New York legalizes Sunday haircuts.
James Bond’s new car is a plug-in hybrid.
Media analysis
Violent crime is going down, so CNN plots the graph backwards.
Facebook really doesn’t want you to know how much right wing sources dominate the content it serves up.
This week’s key numbers
Smuggler arrested with 256 Intel CPUs strapped to his body. (A power of two, good show.)
Dutch outdoor music festival leads to over 1,000 SARS-CoV-2 infections.
The energy grid failure during the cold snap in Texas lead to over 210 deaths, but at least the gas companies made $11 billion.
Affordable housing lottery opens up for a chance at a Brooklyn apartment with rent starting at just $2,370 a month.
Heartwarming chaser
Three women discover they’re dating the same man, so they dump him and go on a road trip together.