The Weekly Whatever: Orange in peach mint flavor 🍊🍑🌿
Quote of the week
“The secret Tory steering committee has always intended Boris Johnson to be leader of the party and Theresa May has only been put in place as a kind of palate cleanser, a nasty-tasting mouthwash that you swill around your gums before being forced to eat actual human shit.” — Stewart Lee
Dystopia technologica
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Twitter editorial lead turns out to be military information warfare operative. Twitter: “We actively encourage all our employees to pursue external interests”.
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France to give all its citizens a state digital ID based on facial recognition, whether they like it or not.
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Google has street teams bribing black people with $5 gift cards if they'll allow recording of biometric video of their faces.
For science!
- NC congressman Mark Meadows sells land in Dinosaur CO to creationist group, who promptly announce that a home school expedition has discovered a 100 foot skeleton of a sauropod that drowned in Noah's flood.
Threat Level Orange
- Trump's ideas for the border included an alligator moat and shooting migrants in the legs.
Well, fancy that!
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Kremlin hopes US government won't release transcripts of talks with Trump.
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Catholic priests credibly accused of child sex abuse and quietly let go ended up driving buses for school groups and scout groups, working as a school counselor, providing therapy to teens with sexual orientation issues, and so on. (Also: one of them is called Will Finger.)
We're fucked
- A single teabag can leak billions of pieces of microplastic into your drink, because someone thought it would be a good idea to make teabags out of plastic.
Sick, sad world
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Nine year old boy complains about being bullied, so staff throw him out into a Chicago winter and report him missing.
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Dutch police arrest bird for taking part in robbery.
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Female athletes complain about cameras mounted in the starting blocks, pointing upwards.
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Teachers turn to 'sugar daddy' dating sites to supplement their salary.
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Russian man sues Apple, claiming his iPhone turned him gay.
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Japanese company launches mayonnaise flavored ice cream.
Not The Onion
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South Korean mayor dumps trash on beach so volunteers will have something to do on International Coastal Cleanup Day.
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Steamy congressional fan fiction ships Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz.
Late stage capitalism
The Guillotine Marketing Board
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The IRS admits that it audits poor people at the same rate as the ultra-rich, because it's too expensive to audit rich people.
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Bloomberg Businessweek suggests a new logarithmic measure of wealth.
Schadenfreude Saturday
- Nobody will provide banking services to GEO Group to help fund keeping kids in cages.