The Weekly Whatever: Now serving delicious Soylent Green
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Teacher tests positive for COVID-19 while on a plane flight, quarantines for 5 hours in the plane's bathroom. 
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There are 89 cruise ships with COVID cases on board. 
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Tesla issues a recall of about half the cars they've ever made. 
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Finnish man buys a Tesla, enjoys the first 1,500km (932 miles) of driving, then is quoted over $22,000 for out-of-warranty repairs when the battery pack fails. So he parks it in a quarry, puts an effigy of Elon Musk in the driver's seat, and gets some demolitions enthusiasts to strap 30kg of dynamite to it and blow it up. 
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Chinese scientists develop an AI that can accuse you of crimes and prosecute you. 
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German Jews seek to combat antisemitism with new "Meet a Jew" program. 
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McDonalds tests exercise bikes so you can work off some calories while wolfing your Big Mac and fries. 
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Ten-year-old girl asks Alexa for a challenge to perform. "Plug in a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet, then touch a penny to the exposed prongs" suggests Alexa. 
