The Weekly Whatever: Merry Impeachmas!
Wait, what?
-
Wakanda listed as free trade partner on US government tariffs website.
Threat Level Orange
-
Enjoy your Christmas ham, feces, sex organs, toenails, bladders and hair!
-
Congress quietly changes NDAA to allow white nationalists to continue to serve in the military.
Well, fancy that!
-
Rudy Giuliani's personal communications director is a 20-year-old Instagram girl still working on her communications degree.
-
Conservative MP owns food bank app which charges food banks a fee to use it.
We're fucked
- ExxonMobil predicts no reduction in carbon emissions thru 2040.
Get out your tiny violin
- Harvey Weinstein feels that his pioneering work promoting women has been forgotten.
Sick, sad world
-
White school principal prohibits black history lessons during Black History Month; students and faculty campaign for her replacement, so she accuses them of racism.
-
Iowa man says his swastikas and confederate flags aren't racist.
-
Everything you buy looks like it was made by a hipster in Brooklyn.
-
Minnesota porch package thief leaves polite thank you note.
-
Church of Christ elder tries to pay undercover officer for sex using Arby's gift card.
-
Conservative radio host says the impeachment is boring and leaves him wanting a "nice school shooting" to break the monotony. Now he has a nice unexpected career change to break the monotony. (Bonus: Same radio station has a neo-Nazi on staff, and has replaced the sacked host with Nazi-aligned Trump supporter Sebastian Gorka.)
Late stage capitalism
- Corporations introduce new tilted toilets to stop employees from wasting time pooping.
Extreme awesome
- Gay Mike Pence lookalike collects money for Planned Parenthood.
Actual good news
- New rechargeable battery developed by IBM uses materials extracted from seawater instead of heavy metals.