The Weekly Whatever: Memento hikikomori
Quote of the week
“I want the United States to be a developing nation.” – Donald Trump
Wait, what?
- Half of FOX News viewers believe Bill Gates is plotting to use a COVID-19 vaccination campaign to implant microchips in people and track their movements.
Threat Level Orange
- Private jet companies of Trump donors get bailouts.
Well, fancy that!
- 
Vegan meat substitute company No Evil Foods sells “Comrade Cluck”, but carried out retaliatory firings of union organizers (plus: audio). 
- 
Cameroon pastor who claimed he could cure coronavirus by touch, dies of coronavirus. 
- 
Alphabet-owned medical testing company offers COVID-19 tests, as long as you sign in and link your Google account with your test results. 
- 
Elizabeth Warren to host big dollar fundraiser for Biden. 
Sick, sad world
- 
Club Penguin fan site shut down after it becomes a haven for explicit penguin e-sex. 
- 
Korean football team apologizes for filling stadium with sex dolls. 
- 
Columbian company makes cardboard hospital beds that convert into coffins. 
- 
OnePlus to disable phone camera feature that could see through clothing. 
- 
Man sentenced to death via Zoom call. 
- 
Grandma ordered to delete Facebook photos of her grandchildren under GDPR. 
- 
Bolivian orchestra stranded in haunted German castle surrounded by wolves. 
Late stage capitalism
- Doordash charges $16 for a $24 pizza, so a pizza restaurant orders 10 of its own pizzas.
Actual good news
- Widespread use of face masks may destroy the facial recognition industry.
Going viral
- 
Texas church reopens May 2nd, Priest dies of COVID-19 May 14th. 
- 
Hairstylist worked while symptomatic, exposed 84 people to coronavirus. 
