The Weekly Whatever: Hippity skippity hoppity ho
Quote of the week
“The models show hundreds of thousands of people are going to die and you know what I want to do? I want to come way under the model. The professionals did the models and I was never involved in a model. At least this kind of a model.”
— Trump
Wait, what?
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Astrophysicist tries to invent anti-coronavirus device, gets magnets stuck up nose.
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Navy hospital ship “Comfort” docked in NYC only has 20 occupied beds out of 1,000 because of strict rules against admitting many sick people.
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People set radio masts on fire thinking they are spreading coronavirus.
Dystopia technologica
- Google tracks man’s bike ride past a house that has been burglarized, puts him on police suspect list.
Threat Level Orange
- Secretary of the Interior orders Native American tribe disestablishment and land seizure.
Well, fancy that!
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California church cancels faith healing trips due to coronavirus.
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SF Bay Area drinking 42% more alcohol than usual.
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Kelly Loeffler (R), wife of NYSE CEO, reports that in late February/early March, after she attended a secret briefing on coronavirus, they sold stock in retail stores and bought stock in a company that makes COVID-19 protective garments. Purely a coincidence, of course.
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That coronavirus testing web site Trump promised? It wasn’t built by Google, it was built by the company of Jared Kushner’s younger brother. And it has been scrapped.
Get out your tiny violin
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Malaysia only allows “the head of the family” to leave the house during COVID-19 outbreak; anguished men suddenly find themselves struggling to tell different types of vegetable apart.
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Oil companies suffering as prices may soon go below zero.
Sick, sad world
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Parents name their newborn twins Corona and Covid.
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Feral hogs now invading Canada.
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New Orleans streets finally empty; rats swarm in.
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Medical fetish roleplay store donates stock to UK health service after being asked for help.
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Bird scooters lays off 406 people in 2 minutes via Zoom.
Actual good news
- Human testing of coronavirus vaccine to start in September.
Going viral
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Company that wants to take employees’ stimulus payments is revealed to be ImageNet Consulting.
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Guests at Trump National Golf Club get coronavirus.
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Rikers Island prisoners being offered $6 an hour to dig mass graves.
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New toilet paper startup rushes to make “white gold”.
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Hospitals threaten to fire anyone who talks about lack of equipment or dangerous working conditions.
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Utah’s largest medical provider decides now is the perfect time for a round of pay cuts for doctors and nurses.
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USNS Comfort arrives in New York to provide emergency beds during COVID-19 epidemic, New Yorkers gather in crowds to watch it arrive.
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Foreign cruise ships told to stay offshore indefinitely.
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Army warned in early February that we could expect 150,000 deaths.
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Trump supporters sending death threats to Dr Fauci.
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Governor of Georgia says he only learned on Tuesday that asymptomatic people could spread coronavirus.
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Secret Service signs emergency contract - for upcoming Trump golf trip.
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In September 2018 the Trump administration received plans for a new machine to churn out masks during a pandemic. Then nothing happened.