The Weekly Whatever: Guaranteed Olympics-free
Quote of the week
Rachel Crane, CNN: “There have been a chorus of critics saying that these flights to space are, you know, just joyrides for the wealthy, and that you should be spending your time and your money and energy trying to solve problems here on Earth. So what do you say to those critics?”
Jeff Bezos: “Well, I say they’re largely right.”
Computers and video games
Video gamer posts classified designs for Challenger 2 tank online, so that people can improve the accuracy of his favorite Russian-made tank combat video game.
Video hosting site lets its domain expire, hardcore porn site buys it and replaces the movies, now the Washington Post and Huffington Post have porn all over their pages.
New video game Heal Hitler: You are Hitler’s psychologist in 1925. Diagnose his complexes by using both Jungian and Freudian psychotherapy and attempt to heal him. Resolve Hitler’s trauma and prevent catastrophe via therapy and psychology.
Floating-point rounding errors in digital stopwatches? Sadly, yes.
Quoting “Dune” can get you banned from Facebook, but antivax disinformation will get you recommended.
It’s 2021, and your weather app now reports the likelihood of human survival.
Animal magic
Louisiana alligator takes a vacation in south Texas.
Cockatoos in Sydney are teaching each other how to open trash cans.
Florida man arrested after trying to throw an alligator onto a roof to teach it ‘a lesson’.
Cat abandoned by owners after 18 years when they decide they’re fed up with cat hair everywhere.
Frontiers of science
For decades the German government ran an experimental program that placed foster children with pedophiles.
“One of the last things they do before they’re intubated is beg me for the vaccine. I hold their hand and tell them that I’m sorry, but it’s too late.”
Experts explain why Jeff Bezos’s rocket looks like a giant dick.
The universe might be a closed hyperdonut. Well, probably not, but hey, maybe.
Chainsaws were invented to help with childbirth.
Man can’t get over the death of his fiancee, recreates her as a chatbot.
Critical Race Theory
The Drow elves of Dungeons and Dragons are, well, a bit of a racist trope. But the author who invented them has a plan to fix that.
Schadenfreude Saturday
Jeffrey Burrill, General Secretary of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops, wanted Joe Biden to be prohibited from taking communion, for being a bad Catholic. That was before a Catholic publication discovered Burrill was cruising for sex on Grindr.
A Texas Trump supporter spent $30 million building a section of border wall, now he’d rather like Trump — or someone — to pay for it.
Capitol rioter leaves rambling obscene messages for his pretrial services officer, so now he gets to await trial behind bars.
Random weird news
Scottish police officer calls for backup saying she’s being pursued by a drone. It turns out to be Jupiter.
Minnesota man said he was dumping his grandmother’s valuables in Lake Superior, but police say it was a dead body.
Canadian man has gone for two decades without money.
Norwegian beach handball team fined for wearing shorts instead of bikini bottoms.
Canadian man, caught in stables in Ottawa next to a tied-up miniature pony lubed with massage oil, with his pants down and while sporting an erection: “I’m sorry, it’s not what it looks like.”
Unsurprising news
Subway tried to give away a million crappy sandwiches, almost nobody wanted them.
Journalist tries to make up an election fraud claim so ludicrous that Trump supporters won’t believe it; fails.
Parting thought
“I want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all of this.” — Jeff Bezos