The Weekly Whatever: Door control
Crapto
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In March, the New York Times published a puff piece about cryptocurrencies. If you followed its advice, congratulations, you've lost 40% of your investment. Now, here's an annotated version of the article.
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Someone stole Seth Green's "Bored Ape", which was due to star in a new TV series.
Education
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Uvalde police, who account for 40% of Uvalde's city budget and had active shooter training just two months ago, were reluctant to engage the mass shooter because they could have been shot, so it was left to a federal agent to take action. Now the police have issued a statement saying "Our entire department is thankful that the officers did not sustain any life threatening injuries", and they are asking other Texas law enforcement to provide them with extra protection from critics.
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Don't worry, secretively funded right-wing magazine The Federalist has a solution to the problem of school shootings: get rid of schools.
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Herschel Walker proposes his own solution: "a department that can look at young men that's looking at women that's looking at social media."
Other news
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Texas toddler borrows mother's phone, orders 31 cheeseburgers via DoorDash.
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Author of "How to Murder Your Husband" found guilty of murdering her husband.
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Dolphins can recognize each other by the taste of their urine.
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Wells Fargo had a policy of interviewing "diverse" candidates — but they frequently interviewed them for jobs that didn't exist.
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Walmart pulls Juneteenth-themed ice cream.
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Massachusetts woman pardoned for her 1693 witchcraft conviction.