The Weekly Whatever: At least it isn't horse de-wormer
Law and order
Man robbed of 16 bitcoin hunts down the criminals responsible, and sues their parents.
Update on a previous story: Judge rules parents must pay $45,000 to their son after destroying his pornography collection. (The defense hired an "expert in pornography valuation" who valued the collection at over $30,000.)
Colorado rescinds standing order to kill Native Americans.
Man throws his penis out of the car window while fleeing police, says he cut it off to save the world.
When an Alabama man threatened to kill himself with a handgun, two police officers were trying to get him to surrender the weapon when a third arrived as backup and shot him in the face with a shotgun. Officials refused to release the bodycam footage and cleared the officer of wrongdoing, but he has now been sentenced to 25 years in prison for murder.
Science
Eating a hot dog could shorten your life by 36 delicious minutes.
New study finds that surprise surprise, people who are assholes online are assholes offline as well.
World's fastest-accelerating rollercoaster is shut down after riders' necks and backs break. Officials are reportedly mystified.
Famous honesty researcher's study was based on fake data.
Your cat wishes you would go back to the office.
Politics
Texas Republicans ask that you don't call them racist while they pass racist voter suppression laws.
School district opts out of free school meals, saying they don't want children to "become spoiled" and suffer "slow addiction".
UK police study finds that black people are likely to be tasered for longer.
Indicted felon and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, accused of accepting bribes in addition to the securities fraud, is pleased to announce that he has been cleared of all bribery charges by his own office. For some reason the FBI are still investigating.
Trump supporters' election "audit" in Arizona is delayed because the "audit" team caught COVID.
Fire up the popcorn machine: Trump-supporting far-right pundits Candace Owens and Kimberly Klacik have turned their Twitter feud into a lawsuit.
COVIDiocy
Web site selling quack ivermectin COVID treatment is linked to a group founded by one of the January 6th capitol rioters.
People taking overdoses of horse dewormer to "treat" or "prevent" COVID are crapping out their own stomach linings.
Chief medical officer at Houston's United Memorial Medical Center treats COVID patients with ivermectin in spite of FDA warnings.
Arkansas prison is experimenting on prisoners by giving them ivermectin as a COVID treatment.
Florida police unions are fighting against vaccine mandates. Meanwhile, 5 south Florida cops died of COVID in one week.
Business
Panasonic Photoshopped a black gamer to make him white for an ad.
Google says that its staff have no legal right to protest whatever shady clients it chooses to do business with.
Fly the friendly skies: Flight attendants are being given self defense training to help deal with angry passengers.
Nature
Belgian woman banned from the zoo for getting too romantic with a chimpanzee.
No, you can't put a bounty in coyotes in Berkeley, even if one did eat your cat.
Woman kicks boyfriend out after he calls her cat "fucking worthless".
Rich residents of an Argentinian neighborhood are fed up with the rodents of unusual size.
Art project sends letters to the future on non-biodegradable plastic waste.
Random
Dead body in canal turns out to be sex doll, police invite owner to collect it.
California’s San Onofre state beach, mentioned in a Beach Boys song, remains popular in spite of having 1,600 metric tons of nuclear waste buried under it.
Harvard's new chief chaplain is an atheist.
Militia leader behind Minnesota mosque bombing comes out as transgender.
Family of Italian duke is accused of tricking Sting into buying a vineyard.
Man photographed as a baby for Nirvana's "Nevermind" album cover sues the band, alleging that it's child pornography.