The Weekly Whatever: Assembled by Apple logarithms
Quote of the week
“iPads, which are made by Apple, have artificial intelligence in them that allow things to be viewed through three-dimensions and logarithms. It uses artificial intelligence, or their logarithms, to create what they believe is happening. So this isn’t actually enhanced video, this is Apple’s iPad programming creating what it thinks is there, not what necessarily is there.”
— Kyle Rittenhouse’s defense lawyer. (And yes, the judge bought that argument.)
World of water
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As COP26 winds down, Tuvalu is looking into legal ways it can continue to be a nation state even once it’s entirely underwater.
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Many countries have found an easy way to meet their climate pledges — lie about their emissions.
For science!
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What’s the environmental impact of cruising for gay sex on protected sand dunes? Here’s the science.
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Theranos’s technology wasn’t completely non-functional — it did manage to detect prostate cancer in several women.
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Springer Nature withdraws 44 papers for being random nonsense.
Moments in love
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Joe Rogan says he can suck his own dick, which is probably just as well.
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Former Catholic bishop who quit the church after falling in love with an author of satanic-themed erotic fiction now has a new job as an exporter of pig semen.
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Roger Stone says he’s freezing his sperm in case Laura Loomer wants to give birth. (To the antichrist, probably.)
Animal magic
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Woman climbs into zoo lion enclosure holding a bouquet of roses, and tosses money at the lions. Again.
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Peruvian family buys cute puppy, then it grows up and chickens start to get eaten.
Sign of the times
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Kids playing “Unpacking” video game get stuck because they have no idea what a GameCube is.
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Accused January 6th rioter tries to sell his home on Zillow, accidentally revealing his illegal cache of explosives.
Politics
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Government report concludes that 13 top Trump administration officials broke the law by violating the Hatch Act. It’s up to the President to take appropriate action. So far: nothing.
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North Dakota politician organizes an anti-vaccination rally, but has to miss it after catching COVID-19.
Final thoughts
- Former CEO of Starbucks explains how the company is like sharing a blanket on a train to a concentration camp.