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January 29, 2022

The Weekly Whatever: 🟨🟩🟨⬛🟩

  • This week's crapto theft: $80 million from Qubit thanks to a missing null pointer check.

  • Suicide hotline has 50 paragraphs of terms and conditions that say they can sell your data to an AI company.

  • Mormon missionaries successfully bring COVID-19 to remote island.

  • Minnesota is running out of moose thanks to global warming.

  • Scientists analyze old data and discover 100,000 new viruses, including 300 exciting new variants of hepatitis delta.

  • Florida woman takes a drive to Gastonia, NC, to see the scenic alpine mountains she saw in a TikTok video.

  • Man buys old Virginia plantation, discovers his ancestors were enslaved there.

  • Urine-drinking antivaxxer now believes he doesn't need a driver's license to drive a car.

  • Why is everyone smoking toad venom?

  • Tesla has so totally muddied the term "self-driving" that the self driving car industry decides to give up and call them autonomous vehicles instead.

  • Simply Lemonade decides to stop being simply lemonade.

  • Two Irish men take a corpse into the post office to try to claim the dead man's pension.

  • Texas woman likes blonde haired, blue eyed baby she sees in a Walmart checkout line, tries to buy it.

  • Crapto founder turns out to be infamous fraudster, somehow people are surprised.

  • Governor of West Virginia tells critics to kiss a dog's butthole.

  • Texas Republican candidate claims schools are lowering tables so kids who are furries can eat like dogs.

  • Apple AirTag used to uncover secret German intelligence agency.

  • Sorry, but GIFs are for boomers.

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