Setting the scene: It’s Thanksgiving and I miss you all a little extra today! The last few years my dear friends Faye and Joseph would always host the most wonderful friendsgiving in NYC and it was maybe my favorite American tradition of all. Next year, if I can, I am going to come visit again then.

Musings

I finally accepted a job offer this week. It was a tumultuous process that ended up taking months, and I’m glad the endless interviews and job related uncertainties are coming to an end now. I am staying in tech but I did manage to land in a more creative industry and I really hope that will mean more in-person interactions again, some fun events to go to, and a chance to regularly be around people that care about music as much as I do. I also heard there might be a recording studio in the office so stay tuned for my first mixtape (just various samples of me crying because I am going to miss being unemployed). This also means I’m officially moving to Berlin in January! Please start planning your visits as soon as possible. I’ll even come pick you up from the airport.

To be honest though these job offers came in earlier this week and I still can’t say I’m particularly happy or excited or any of those feelings people seem to be expecting me to feel. I think I’m tired from a whole year of multiple big life changes, and I already know I likely won’t be in Berlin forever either, so this feels like just another stop on the road to whatever it is I’m actually searching for. So it’s good and fine and I’m very grateful to have secured a stable job in an economy that is looking so grim, and maybe that’s truly the best I can ask for right now. And I’ll be able to live by myself, and closer to family, and in a city where I already have some really great friends too. But I also felt so deeply burned out at my last job I’m scared it might only take a little bit of time until I’ll feel that way again.

I do want to be mindful not to self-sabotage so much before it even begins, and I am trying my best to snap out of it. I think I’m still afraid to give my life here a real chance because if I do and it turns out to be good then it’s just going to be even harder to leave again one day. And I know I’ll have to leave because a lot of people I care about are not here right now, and I do want to be near them again eventually. But at this point maybe that’s just how it will always be, and I’m going to bounce around, and that’s okay. It’s not easy to keep up with sometimes but it’s already been so worth it for the time I’ve had with my family since I got here, and I’ll figure it out again in the future too.

Recap

So many interviews. Just weeks and weeks of sending applications, processing rejections, scheduling calls, preparing for the technical rounds. I was in Berlin again for a few days too and completely unknowingly did a lot of my interview prep right below my new office space. It was one of those trips that ended up being slightly more stressful than enjoyable, but I did get to see friends every day, went to a short film festival, played card games in a cozy bar, went out to breakfast and enjoyed good coffee and some incredible pancakes, and also got to know the neighborhood I’m probably moving close to now. I was staying at another friend’s apartment that’s currently empty, and when I found out I was basically around the corner from where the new office will be it did feel a little bit like a nudge from the universe.

Other than that I’ve been busy baking a ton of Christmas cookies using my grandma’s precious recipe book she finally gave to me after years of pleading. It’s really just an old magazine where readers could send in their favorite cookie recipes but growing up I always thought it was some super special curated collection. I also got a cheap set of watercolor paints recently and last weekend I started making some truly inspired holiday cards. Pine trees for Christmas? Groundbreaking! Send me your address if you’d like a card too.

I’m not starting the new job until January and I’m actually very excited I get to just enjoy the holiday season now. My mom and I want to go swimming tomorrow, Saturday there are a ton of Christmas markets and events happening by the lake in our town, and Sunday I’m dragging my brother to see Wicked: For Good with me. He hasn’t even seen the first one and he’s probably going to hate it but I’m excited, especially because I found a theater that’s showing the original so there won’t be any hideoteous German dubs.

Tuning in

I hope everyone has already heard all of LUX but if you haven’t, I must implore you to listen. I love Rosalía so much and this album is divine.

With love,

Melanie