Setting the scene: I’m in my (almost) empty apartment in Astoria, and tonight is my last night sleeping in my own bed. I’m pretty exhausted from a week of non-stop errands while still trying to see friends as much as possible and I’m very ready to get this move over with now. Normally when you move somewhere some stuff can go into boxes but I really only have 2.5 suitcases I’m taking with me so I’ve had to downsize sooooo much. I think it will feel pretty liberating in the end but going through the process is a ton of work. Outside also feels like it’s the fall now which has just been adding to my melancholy.

Recap

I’m going to switch these around this time. I feel pretty drained emotionally and I want to just brag about my friends for a bit while I tell you what I’ve been up to this past week. Also going to share some of my favorite places along the way.

Starting Saturday, I met my friend Peter for coffee at Black Brick Coffee which has a really delightful garden. Williamsburg is probably my least favorite neighborhood in NYC and I’m always very excited to find little sanctuaries over there. (Iona is my other favorite, it’s a Scottish dive bar and my old piano teacher used to play music there sometimes.) Peter is also moving into my apartment next and I’m very happy that another friend will get to enjoy the space and the neighborhood.

On Sunday my friend Katie came all the way from New Jersey to help me pack and I genuinely appreciate it so much. There are some friends where it truly doesn’t matter what we do as long as we’re doing it together and Katie is one of those friends. I also felt super overwhelmed that day so having another person with me to sort through stuff was so helpful. For fuel we got coffee at Balancero which is my favorite coffee shop period. Afterwards I went to meet a new friend for dinner and we just talked about life for a few hours. Sometimes you meet someone and just know immediately they are going to be around for a long time and I’m really glad we got to connect again before I move too. Addison also streams (mainly guitar/jazz) on Twitch, go throw him a follow if you want! It’s actually been so wonderful to have some background music and chill company during the day.

Monday I saw my friend Jess before she flew to Greece the day after and it was so nice to hang out in person. Jess and I used to work together at BuzzFeed (she’s doing fun podcast related stuff at Apple now) and I still think a lot about how many amazing people I met because of that job. That same day I also met my guitar teacher and his partner at the Glendale diner and it was excellent. Diners are maybe my favorite American invention (aside from iced coffee, air conditioning, and some select OTC meds). We had pancakes for dinner and the waitress told us not to leave until we’re absolutely ready to go. These friends also have a band together and are about to launch their first record! I’ve seen them play around the city a few times and I strongly believe it’s going to be great. Go to the launch party for me if you can! Tell them I say hi.

Tuesday I met my friends Mireille and Kirby for dinner at Bahari Estiatorio, which is half a block from my house and yet I still had not made it there in my 1.5 years of living here. It’s a Greek restaurant that’s super popular locally; I think Zohran has talked about it before too. It was awesome! Not very busy and not very rushed at all which I really value these days. Mireille and Kirby are also in LA for a few weeks now so thank you again for coming up to Queens the day before your flight. We were supposed to go to Ornithology together a few weeks ago and then I got sick and couldn’t go, but I still want to mention it because it is maybe my favorite place in the entire city. It’s a jazz club and a bar and they have space outside and upstairs and on the roof, and I’ve never had a bad night there. Everyone that plays there is outstanding and I love how the bar is set up in a way that allows for whispered conversation but still commands a lot of respect for the music being played. Go there sometime if you can, I promise it’s worth it.

Wednesday I had goodbye drinks with all my Astoria friends, at Heart of Gold. It’s not technically a beer garden but they do have beer and a garden so I kind of think of it as that. It also happened to be trivia night and we had too many people to be a single team so we had to disqualify ourselves from the prize (but we still won). At some point there was a question about airports and everyone gave the phone to me because “it’s about planes” and I’m excited that this has become part of my brand now. The question asked to list the 8 biggest airports in the US and we got 7/8 so you know, pretty solid. It also made me very happy (and equally sad) to see all my different neighborhood friends in one place. I really do feel like there is something special about the community in Astoria and I’m going to miss it for sure.

Thursday I met my hairdresser Saeko for drinks at a Japanese city-pop themed speakeasy called 56709 (inspired by this song). I’d been there once before and it’s exceptional, the drinks are super inventive and the food is excellent and I love all the themed decor so much. We originally wanted to go check out the Queens night market but they’re taking a break right now to make way for the US Open. I’ll save it for when I come visit.

Today is Friday and my friend Aubrey was here this morning. We also went to Balancero and then sat in the garden for a bit which was lovely and needed and I’m excited that this actually wasn’t a goodbye yet because I’ll see her again next week. Aubrey is also doing a lot of incredible work around relational psychology—including hosting academic salons both in person and online—and you should check it out. I got to be there for the first event where we spent a few hours at Le Petit Monstre discussing what we owe the people we love and it was an amazing experience.

Which brings us to now, as I’m writing this on Friday night, and I’m going to leave it here. It’s been hard to speedrun all these goodbyes this past week, but how lucky am I to have this many people in my life that care and show up and are just really good. I do hope some of you will actually click some links and go support each other because I love you all dearly and I wish for all my friends to become friends too.

Musings

I don’t really feel like I have a red thread to weave this week, I must’ve misplaced it in the move. But I do want to touch on a few ideas that are floating around in my mind.

First, people showing up for each other. I’ve talked about this before but it came up again this week when a friend reached out and then we actually made plans to make dinner together and then we did. And we both felt like that was a really big deal. Because in this city (and maybe other places too) the norm seems to be to either not commit to any plans at all or flake last minute. And I think that is wild. Following through on plans and showing up for my friends is so important to me, and while I try to empathize because I definitely have my off days too I will never understand what is keeping us all from hanging out with each other more. Especially casually, without having to plan it months in advance. This is something I’m really looking forward to when I go back home, because neighbors will usually just drop by unannounced, and I’ll be able to just be around family every day without having to work so hard to make social plans all the time. I love living alone but especially in NYC it is so exhausting sometimes when seemingly everyone is always busy and it often takes hours to go anywhere because the trains are a mess and a ride share is a hundred dollars one way. On a side note, I feel like we talk a lot about how walkable this city is, but I feel like this is really only true if you’re going into Manhattan. I’m usually trying to go from Queens to Brooklyn and vice versa and that almost always involves multiple trains or buses, long bike rides, expensive ride shares, or a massive detour through Manhattan for some reason. Fingers crossed they actually build the Interborough Express in the next few years.

Second, I know I just highlighted a lot of my friends doing a lot of really cool stuff, and I do think that’s awesome and worth celebrating, but I want to remind you and myself that there is also no morality in productivity. We are inherently valuable, and I’m so tired of the capitalist machine that has us all trying to optimize our entire lives for output even in our spare time. A friend recently gave me a book to read titled “Laziness Does Not Exist” by Devon Price and I just started it today. In the first few pages they already explain why productivity can be such a trap, and it’s mainly because the ceiling DOES NOT EXIST. There will always be more to do. I remember getting a promotion once and instead of taking a moment to celebrate I immediately started stressing about what it would take to get to the next level. If you start volunteering there will be endless opportunities to help out even more. If you give it your all at work you will be rewarded with (you guessed it) more work! And everyone’s baselines are so different. We all start from different places. We all have access to different resources and networks. We move at different paces at different times. There is no timeline, we’re not competing against each other, and one day we’re all going to die anyway. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this and I probably just needed the reminder myself but it’s okay to take care of ourselves in whatever ways feel right to us. We don’t need to be doing anything and everything all of the time. I realize in this system we do all need to figure out how to pay the bills somehow but I really hope we can stop feeling so guilty when we’re not min-maxing every minute of every day. Maybe I’ll write a whole rant about capitalism sometime but let me just say: corporations want us at home, by ourselves, isolated, scrolling on our phones, watching ads, mindlessly consuming stuff. They don’t make any money when we’re at the park with our friends. Or taking a walk. Or reading a book. I feel like the more I heal the less ambitious I become, especially when it comes to my career. I just want to be around people. Be in nature. Get some sunlight during the day, and rest at night. I don’t want to be on meds just to function in a corporate job that regularly makes me question if I even want to be alive, and I don’t care about the money. I know I should probably care about the money at least a little bit but it’s hard to take it seriously when everything is made up anyway. Can you tell I’m a little tired?

Anyway, that’s it for today. Thank you for reading as always. Give your loved ones a hug, and please send me pictures of your pets! And if I got to see you this week, thank you for being there during all this. It means the most.

Tuning in

This is a classic for me at this point but maybe new to most of you. RM is one of my favorite artists and LOST! is one of my favorite tracks. Also the music video is a masterpiece in my opinion and worth watching for the visuals alone.

With love,

Melanie