Setting the scene: I’m in Denver and staying in another little Airbnb in the northern part of the city. I had an extra day here today because my flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow, and I’m happy to have the afternoon to reflect and write and decompress a little bit.

Musings

Over the last 10 days I was on a roadtrip from New Orleans to Denver, and it was a very welcome escape from all the turmoil and looming responsibilities of life. I’m going back to NYC tomorrow, and while I feel (and am) pretty far away from the city right now, I’m also thinking about how much it taught me about the kind of life I want to live and the kind of person I want to be.

I spent the most formative years of my life here—from grad school to leaving a 7-year relationship to living by myself for the first time, and over time growing more into myself than I ever really thought was even possible. I discovered my love for theater and picked up the piano again (and later the guitar as well). I took dance classes and voice lessons just for fun, which gave me an even greater appreciation for the arts and for all my teachers along the way. Some time ago I was debating going to flight school to become a pilot, so I signed up for flying lessons to try that out too. I ended up deciding against it for various reasons, but it’s still a skill I appreciate having now, and I’ve since gotten to fly in other places too and it was always such a great experience. I bought a bike during the pandemic and rode it all over the city, and found such an amazing community in it too. I tried so many new foods. I joined yoga classes and breath work sessions and learned to love working out with my trainers at different gyms. I lived in 3 different boroughs and finally landed in Astoria which will forever have such a special place in my heart. I went to pride, realized I was queer too, got a bunch of tattoos and reclaimed my body by covering it in art that I’m so excited to carry with me for the rest of my life. 5 years of therapy slowly taught me the tools and the language to feel and express my emotions in a way that was never provided or permitted growing up.

And although I still struggle with this sometimes I also learned how to find my own voice and use it; when I first moved here I was around a lot of people that had loud voices and loud opinions, and it was very easy to sit back and let them lead (not just conversations, but also life in general). Over time, and especially because of all the work in therapy, I learned what mattered to me personally, and to speak up for it. I learned how to talk to people from all walks of life and from all over the world. I feel like at this point no matter where I am, I know I could go out and make a friend any time. I think a lot of us are looking for connection, and people are usually happy and receptive when you mindfully engage them in a conversation first. (Side note: In my experience the secret is to openly acknowledge the awkwardness, and then move past it and keep asking good, open-ended questions.)

Some of my favorite moments living in NYC were seemingly small interactions with strangers. Slowly befriending my stoic Russian doorman who eventually told me he had a German grandmother as well, and who started smiling brightly every time I saw him after I brought him back some jam my own grandma made when I went to visit her. Leaving the upstairs neighbors a kind note about their puppy barking a lot when they left their apartment, and then getting to know them and starting up a little dog sitting operation for the entire building. Going to the nail salon in Queens where not a single person speaks the same language but we all make due with smiles and gestures. Getting caught in a rainstorm in Washington Sq park and chatting with the stranger seeking cover under a tree next to me, and then finding out they are moving back to Berlin this fall as well and that we actually have a lot in common. The kind performer in my dance class who randomly told me he loved my energy when I was just starting out, after I had been watching him in the mirror the whole time thinking maybe I don’t belong here. It was so small and so encouraging and it meant the world to me at the time, and still does. Earlier this summer, the person who pulled up next to me after we biked across the Queensboro bridge and told me he saw me biking into the city earlier too and liked the music I was playing on my speaker and wanted to be friends. The cab driver that speaks 8 languages and can tell you more about the world on the 30-minute journey to the airport than you ever learned in years and years of history class. The mailman who used to look annoyed coming to our house, but who happily accepted some ice water during a heatwave and has since started smiling and waving every time I see him.

It’s a lot of this that is making it so hard to leave now, because it truly does take years and a village to feel at home somewhere. But New York is also very transient, and it’s really hard to build consistent and lasting relationships that go beyond these surface-level interactions in a city that almost no one is planning on staying in forever. Especially on this trip too I’m once again reminded how it’s never really about a place itself but rather the people in it, and I want to live somewhere where it feels like it’s worth putting in all this effort to establish a home that will last and that will love you back. NYC has taught me so much about myself and the kind of life I want to live. I hope I can take all this with me to a place that is closer to home and a little less relentless day to day.

Recap

We drove ~2400 miles in the past few days, from New Orleans to Houston to Austin to Albuquerque to Salt Lake City to Denver. It was a little exhausting doing these long drives and then exploring during the day and socializing at events in the evening, but it was also spectacular to see so much of the country in such a short amount of time. New Orleans was vibrant and wonderful; we stayed close to Magazine Street and rode the trolley to the French quarter. The streets are so lively and I loved all the jazz and live music in every corner. Houston was hot and humid but we met some incredible people there, and someone offered to get us into the Museum of Natural Science for free which was awesome (both the gesture as well as the exhibits). In Austin we got to stay with an old friend and have our pop-up at my favorite place in the whole city, which is part theater and part bar and part butterfly garden. We really only had time to sleep in Albuquerque but we rented an Airstream on a little farm for the night and it was such a unique experience. I’ve passed through Salt Lake City a few times before but never spent much time in the actual city, and I really really liked it there too. People are so genuinely friendly over there, I’d love to come back someday. Today I had an extra day in Denver and almost just stayed in but then decided to go check out the Forney Museum of Transportation which was INCREDIBLE. The exhibition hall is so well curated and they had 8 of the largest steam locomotives ever built in there. The trains were absolutely my favorite but they also had old cars, motorcycles, planes, trucks, carriages, bikes, tractors, you name it. I also randomly stumbled upon an amazing diner nearby that serves breakfast all day and felt like stepping back in time. The chef (who I’m assuming is the owner too) even came out periodically to say hi to everyone and thank them for coming in. I also went to City Park which is beautiful. Denver has been really lovely too.

I’m going back to NYC tomorrow and my flight to Germany is officially booked for September 7th. I need to vacate my apartment by the end of August too and I’m hoping to handle moving logistics as quickly as possible so I can maximize spending some more time with friends until I have to leave. If you’re reading this and you’re in the city I would love to see you please!

Tuning in

We went to Rivers and Roads Coffee this morning so this only seems fitting.

With love,

Melanie