feel the good, the bad and the hurts
the year: 2023.
the gal: not seeing something corporate close out the year in california.
let's pour one out for william tell's solo career though, because "slipping under (sing along to your favorite song)" is still an absolute BOP.
on a good note, i'm glad he's back in the band for their fancy new year's eve shows. i'm just bummed he wasn't part of the 2010 SoCo reunion!
i'd be lying if i said that 2023 wasn't a year of challenges for me. it really was, and out of my (almost) 33 years on this earth, it might have been one of the most challenging years i've faced in a long time.
i'm not someone who plans her whole life around astrology (as a pisces sun, sagittarius moon, cancer rising), but i wonder if things going downhill in 2020 and starting to (finally) get better in 2023 has anything to do with my saturn return (the first one i've experienced!)
for those who might not know what a saturn return is, it's basically an "astrological coming of age," per the cut's aliza kelly.)
come 2024, i'll be 33. i feel like i have learned a lot in the period of time from being 29.5 (which was a few days ahead of being laid off in september 2020!) to turning 32 back in march (which coincided with the end of my saturn return). i've never been more challenged by life and everything it's thrown at me in that time period.
this is not a note about my saturn return though. it's more of a celebratory end-of-the-year note, marking the highs and lows of this year.
let's start with the lows: in january, i wrote down that despite being some sort of a "chaos muppet," life wasn't actually too bad. but i also wrote down that i could feel myself slipping back into the "deep, dark pit of despair." i'm really proud of myself for actually recognizing that, and i think i've said that a zillion times by this point.
i might've also been a little dramatic in january, when i also wrote about how i could feel the joy being sucked out of my life...because i was in a job that wasn't making me happy.
i am not my job and i am thankful to have much better work-life boundaries, but that period of time was BLEAK.
i don't care that the world health organization has said that the world is no longer in a pandemic. technically, we still are in one, but it's been so nice being able to be social and actually make connections in person with other people again. that's one thing that's made me really happy, because sometimes it's hard being a mix of extroverted and introverted, especially when you've had to be more introverted throughout a pandemic.
before i get into the good parts of this year, let's do some by the numbers-ing.
i read 53 books this year. of course, that's not counting the amount of books i read to my partner's nephews. and that's 53 actual books; i don't own a kindle or an e-reader of sorts.
my dad ate 47 mcribs this year. last year he ate 60 during the period of time that they were available.
i went to 10 concerts this year; some were multi-day ones (bristol rhythm and roots reunion, red wing roots) while others were single day shows. there were a lot of anniversary shows this year!
i celebrated 7 years with my partner, who has truly kept me grounded this whole time.
now, the good:
starting a new job made me feel a whole lot better, and i don't know where to start about how many awesome people i work with! i'm a firm believer in the mantra "love what you do," and truly, i mean this. as stated before, i am not my job, but it's actually nice to feel useful and not feel burntout all the dang time.
there has been a lot of laughter this year, and for that i am thankful. i have laughed until i have cried multiple times, and as i type this out right now, anderson cooper is playing "never have i ever" on live television and is crying and laughing.
(side note: drunk, giggly anderson cooper truly brings a lot of joy into my life. i am so glad cnn let him and andy cohen drink on live tv again.)
perhaps one of the best things ever of this year? 12-year-old me would be absolutely AMAZED at how cool 32-year-old me has become.
now that i'm about to enter the world of being someone defined as a 30something, i've learned to embrace who i am again. that means the silly, colorful earrings are starting to make an appearance again. it means i'm still apologizing for everything, because that's what i do, but it also means i'm able to find joy in small things again. that's perhaps one of the best things this year brought.
2023 brought a lot of loss to my circle, but there has also been a lot of celebration. and no matter how bad things get, there's always a celebration to be had for anything and everything.
if you can't find the joy in small things, and celebrate anything and everything, i'd recommend giving it a try. it just makes things easier to handle when the world is full of bad things. and yes, that does mean going out and "touching grass to feel something" because reconnecting with nature is an absolute DELIGHT. laying down on the ground feels even more delightful!
(i mean, it's been much warmer than usual lately, so maybe that's a sign to...lay on the ground at night staring up at the night sky?)
lastly, i hopped on the bandwagon and made an ins/outs list. it's mostly serious, moreso in the fact that i truly hope that in 2024, people stop making mental illness "cute," but also then there's me, with my dark humor, who wants to make crying in public more normalized. catch me continuing to cry at concerts without any shame in 2024 😎
