I. Growing calmer: understanding myself

As a strong believer and a fine (ownself say) graduate of school of hard knocks, there is no better way than moments of internal conflict to see how one has grown. A part of me knew I had to grow through the pain of change, even when a part of me was overwhelmed with uncertainty. So I survived the transition, and again, I can tell myself that I am able to stand up tall wherever I go, that change may well be painful due to the lethargy of the previous situation, but the outcome will be a positive one as long as I’m brave enough.

My MBTI has shifted to ISFJ, and even if we don’t hold much belief in 4 simple letters, I find myself taking on the role of a listener instead of speaking, wanting to draw out stories from the people around me to understand their view of their world and what makes them who they are today. Curiosity, even if I don’t outwardly portray the behaviour of one who keeps asking, hopefully makes the person I speak with feel appreciated, that someone out there in the world wants to know their whys, whether or not I understand or agree with them.

2. Growing together: time with my friends

This year was about safeguarding my time a little fiercer, and being comfortable with myself before I said yes to people around me. There would be the occasional blip but I’m still working to get better at this.

When I meet with my friends, I feel joyful (again, maybe not outwardly visible) that they are growing in their respective seasons. It’s the middle-age uncertainty that pops up, whether we are going down the right path, or open to ambiguity, but I know that because we are now at an age of open, raw conversations, that walking with my friends feel right, and like the photograph above, I know that they have my back when I need someone to listen to me, or to give a different idea to shake me out of my blinders.

They have also kindly welcomed my music obsession (Day6’s Not Fine & One are my current earworm), and there’s a world of difference when people actually are curious about what you’re interested in, so try it out, why don’t you, not about my music (well, you could..) to be curious about the people and moments around you?

3. Growing slower: days with my father

Every time I try to take a photo of my dad, he gets very disgruntled and for good reason, because what is his daughter doing, taking the same types of photographs over and over again?

I know I’m compensating for the time I lost with my ma, for the almost 15 years without her, for the growing older together that never could be. Compensating for the photos I never got to take for her and with her, compensating for the stories that I wish I could hear from her but only stumble upon through old GChats, through her written diaries of our growing up years.

But because I know how finite time is, I find every conversation meaningful and keep prodding him for stories of his growing up years. 1 out of 10 times, I get something good - like the day before, he mentioned in passing that when A&W first set up shop in Singapore in the late ‘60s, it was along Robinson Road and people would go after work to get free root beer and hotdogs as part of the promotion.

I need more stories, dad. You’re quite a funny chap.

What’s Medhā listening to?

• Lucy, Unbelievable (I like the chorus funnybeat)

• GReeeen, キセキ (2008 baseball high school dreams sung by dentists)

• Lucy, The knight who can’t die and the silk cradle (with such a title, how can you not click?)

• back number, 繋いだ手から

Sending everyone quiet, peaceful thoughts to wrap up your 2025, and wishing you a good 2026.

Love,
Medhā