20 on 40
..because 40 life lessons were just too long a list
1. Judge less, and your heart feels lighter
I still do; it's hard to totally switch off this muscle but with more life experience, you are able to take off the ingrained lens and expectations and say okay, this is what it is.
2. You do you
No one can live your life for you. You can't roll a die, you can't know for sure that that's the right way. But you can, and need to, take responsibility for yourself.
3. Your tribe will always find you
No one's a born-friendly soul, and the older you get, it's so hard to make friends. So just be consistent and shine the way you are. Also trust your gut - if someone's shifty, they're shifty.
4. Middle-aged body metabolism tanks - hard and fast
I'm only glad I decided to start TCM and physical training sessions in 2022 to pick myself off the ground. I'm giving myself a year-end ambitious goal to be really good at dancing even though right now, I'm an uncoordinated blob and my kneecaps hurt every Monday evening post-dance class.
5. There is no shame in asking for help
There's no point trying to figure out the answer if you're limited by.. yourself. So try your hand at things, but it's more than okay to say you don't know the answer, and you need help.
6. You can eat alone and enjoy your meal
What a journey to get to this point! To finally enjoy my own company as I eat what brings pleasure to me. Minus the fact that I cannot order more than 2.5 dishes otherwise it'll be such a waste.
7. People change; you do too
If I can grow out of a friendship, so can they. A very hard-to-swallow lesson, but.. it happens. It did, and it still will.
8. Be grateful for the people who stay in your life
They can choose to leave, and they didn't because they believe in you. Likewise, you can extend gratitude towards those who left (heng ah, thanks leave faster pls!) and you do not have any obligation to stay in touch.
9. Fugly sports shoes actually make sense
Do you want painful calves and bunions for fashion? You go.
10. Music heals your mood
Besides having proper 8 hours of sleep, music uplifts and heals me so much. RN I am just having so much fun with the energy of EXO & SHINee on replay. Guess who's finally at 3rd gen KPOP after a whole year?
11. Nature is a natural (duh) dopamine
My travels these days have seen more day treks and ocean views than I'd expected. Singapore doesn't have such staggering nature and I am all the more thankful I have the resources to travel and to go in search of such moments of respite.
12. Listen more than you talk
I'm done with talking. Writing, still going strong when I remember to. But I want to hear more stories from people around me, to learn from them, to learn with them, and to grow.
13. Reading a good book doesn't mean you read past midnight
All the times I go, "just 30 more minutes.." and my eyebags! I am a recovering delayed gratification person. I try.
14. It's ok not to have the last word
So what if I managed to say what was on my mind? If it ends up causing hurt, or misunderstandings, is it really worth it? Or if I cannot change the outcome, I should learn to walk away.
15. Be comfortable with silence
(I wish the libraries were as quiet as they ought to be) I am getting a little bit better at not jumping to fill in the quiet when the conversation stops.
16. Where you are today doesn't mean where you will be forever
We can't see the entire road ahead, and it can get so overwhelming to wonder.. is this all there is to life? I try to step away from such spiralling thoughts and give myself options. Change the status quo, or be ok where I am. Whatever I choose, it doesn't mean that I can't ever choose otherwise later on.
17. A non-choice is also a choice
Like the above, you can just not choose. But don't be a cockster and think you were forced to not choose. A choice is a choice.
18. It's ok to change your mind. Just admit it.
Are we not human and do we not make mistakes? At 40, we better be more than okay with admitting and being humble.
19. Find different people to fulfill your needs
I eat with different people, and I travel with different people. Not everyone enjoys spending money on eating, or travelling, or reading the same books or watching musicals. So how can you expect any one person to be your be-all?
20. Watch the clouds dance when you have time
(:
Happy 40th, me. I am so lucky to be alive, and blessed with and by family and friends.