The World Fantasy Convention is the first major book convention in the sci-fi/fantasy world that I ever attended back in 2014. I was 24, a few months out of Clarion, and gobsmacked to be in the same hotel as some of my writing heroes, let alone count myself among their peers.

And at the age of 36, twelve years later, I got to attend again as a World Fantasy Award nominee for my debut book, Audition For The Fox. Also, my Dad was there, which was really incredible. I got to bring him into my world a bit, and by the end of the con, everyone was calling him Dad, which delighted me to no end.

And though I didn’t win, I really don’t felt like I lost.

Let’s get into it.

Got in Thursday morning and made my way straight to one of the few places I can call heaven on Earth and mean it: Butter & Crumble! A bakery of renown, I got there in time for a few pastries and a coffee. Truly some of the BEST pastries I’ve ever had. The lemon-curd cruffin with vanilla bean creme pat and the pumpkin/chocolate pain suisse were absolutely delightful and the staff were a true joy.

I met up with Dad, and we began Operation Father/Son Bonding. And even just in getting set up, going to the Dealer’s Room where they sell a bunch of books and have artwork, I was already seeing old friends and putting faces to names for new friends, too. That’s the fun of these sorts of events. It feels like summer camp after you’ve had a pen pal for years, and you FINALLY get to go ride the tire swing into the lake together, and run around and have snack time and all sorts of fun! I’ll chat more about those fine folks below.

For my part, it was a fairly chill con; I got to be on a panel about wisdom figures and how our subconscious informs our work. Thanks again to Audrey Williams for being an incredible moderator! I got to moderate a panel myself about the art of transformation in Fantasy with some great guests, including Robin freakin’ Hobb, a Pulitzer Prize winner named Robert Olen Butler, a fellow Tachyon author named Austin Habershaw, and a writer-friend I’ve known a while, Robert V. S. Redick. I didn’t get to do a reading, but had a coffee meeting that I thought was full and . . . didn’t go great. But! That’s because there was confusion with another author and the room, and I ended up with only a few people, one of whom knew me and the other two did not. It happens!

I’ll do the Sunday award ceremony next, but that card above, the Three of Cups, really was the perfect pull to get at 5am before leaving for JFK. I had asked the Strange Beast Tarot (by Shing Yin Khor, one of my FAVORITE creators!) how this weekend was going to go. And this is what the beasts rumbled and grumbled to me. Colorful. Intimate. Festive. A celebration. And it was.

Some of the folks I got to see and spend time with: Viengsamai Fetters, my former Erewhon colleague and incredible editor, who continues to shine brighter and brighter every time I see them; Naseem Jamnia, a brilliant Fourth of July sparkler in the form of a human person with the BEST overalls in the business; Kathleen Jennings, winner for Best Artist(!), who took me under her wing and let me be her tablemate at the con-wide signing (and doodled a Fox for me and I LOVE it, see below); Thomas Ha, winner for Best Collection(!), who is effortlessly kind and full of smiles for a guy who writes weird, wonderful shit; Kristina Ten, a mesmerizing writer of the inexplicable, the uncanny, and the 90s, who dazzled and delighted; Helene Wecker, who radiates exuberance and kindness; Jaymee Goh, Jacob Weisman, Jill Roberts, Elizabeth Story, Rick Klaw, and Kasey Lansdale of Tachyon Publications were each as amazing and joyous as expected; Jaym Gates, LP Kindred, Maurice Broaddus, Charlie Jane Anders, Annalee Newitz, Jenna Hanchey, Stephen Graham Jones, Lisa Rodgers, Betsy Aoki, Christopher Caldwell, Theresa DeLucci, Brian Evenson, and so many other wonderful folks whom I had a few moments to share in the joy, but could have easily spent a whole afternoon with, just talking about craft, writing, and life.

The Awards Banquet was nice, and gave me time to catch up with folks. And even as I became nervous as the time for my category drew near, I wasn’t worried. Because in my head, I’d won in a different way. Twelve years ago, hardly anyone knew me or knew I wrote. I was just starting out. And this weekend, person after person, many of whom I did not know, told me how much they had enjoyed my book. Some said they’d never read anything like it. Others said it got them through a hard time. What I had made had become something else: an umbrella under heavy rain, a flashlight in the dark, a walking stick over rough terrain.

My work stayed with readers and it had done something for them. THAT, more than any award, is worth its weight in gold and far, far more.

Something I was bummed about was that winner for Best Novel didn’t take the opportunity to say much of anything. No shade to him, he was on the other side of the world, but I’ve always found speeches are the chance to speak truth to power.

So, below you’ll find what I would have said if I had won. I want to share a part of it with you all, because, this book especially, has taught me we must be brave. And we mustn’t be afraid to speak truth to power <3

This part comes after all the thanks and the strange analogy of how publishing and the sport of curling are related. Ahem:

Since I started writing this in 2018, the wildfires of fascism, racism, imperialism, genocide, and hate have been burning brighter and hotter than ever. And even if you haven't felt the burn in your lungs, we have all been choking on the smoke. We turn to art for many reasons, and in these days of fire, I hope that while this book can provide escape and joy, I hope that it also inspires within you the ability to act in whatever small way you can. Nesi may not have magic, or omnipotence, but she does have heart. Empathy. And enough bravery to try her best. On the days when the smoke is thickest, when our friends and loved ones are too near the fire, I try to think of Nesi and remember that doing anything is better than nothing.

That could be standing up for someone in public or online. It could be donating ten bucks to a mutual aid fund. It could be protesting ICE facilities and data centers. It could be volunteering an hour at your local LGBTQIA+ community center or organization. However you're able to help, I urge you to try. Because there is no one way to survive. And there is also no single person that will fix it for us. We will make it through because we are in community. And as long as we remember that, I know we will find our way through these fires together. If one of us is burning, we’re all burning. With that being said, I end with this: Free Palestine, love and protect our trans and queer family, denounce hate and prejudice wherever you see it, and please, continue working for the liberation of all people. 

I will keep working, I will keep helping, and I will keep trying. I hope you do, too.

And I will. Keep working. Keep writing. Keep being as brave as I can, in as many ways as I can. If there’s one thing I’m coming away with this weekend, it’s that people are hungry for whatever I’m doing next. There’s excitement when they hear of what I’m working on.

So I guess I better hurry up and get that done, huh?

It shall be so!

More soon, and thanks for sticking with me and cheering me on. Enjoy these days of autumn, and take care of one another <3