How can I get through to you?

Hello my friends! I am moving again thus lowkey doing another round of decluttering. I’ve written before about getting rid of all my self-help books. (I kept a few treasures like The Martha Beck Library™.)

Alas, I acquired a fresh crop (smaller!) of self-help after the surprising news of my divorce reached me.

One of the books I bought and just tossed, unread, was called How Can I Get Through to You, by Terry Real. It is about, I believe, the difficulty of communicating with men who’ve been raised under patriarchy. Also how to overcome. Presumably.

And I’m sure there’s a need. But not for me.

Honestly, how can I express my jubilation in getting rid of this particular kind of self-help book?, the one that you only need if you think you have to have people in your life that you can’t get through to?

Reader, I used to think this, without thinking about it: that love, marriage and relating all mean having to “get through” to people.

As if that was a baseline circumstance imposed worldwide! As if figuring out how to “get through” is what you pay to play. Except it’s so much WORK.

I see now: I hugely cared about my partner and his wants and needs, this was easy, not something I put effort into.

But I unconsciously agreed that it was also my job as a partner to get him to care about me and my wants and needs. To make him see why caring about me would be good for him too!

This, I did put effort into. I spent time every day trying to “get through” and make my case that I too was important! I am writing these words and shaking my head DEAR HEAVEN.

Probably there are not a lot of men my age out there that don’t require the emo labor of trying to get thru to. I see the cross-section at my gym, for example, and watch how the ones my age relate to me. It doesn’t spark joy.

(Weirdly this perceived scarcity makes me more hopeful. It doesn’t make me feel like I have more work to do to find someone. Makes me feel like I have less work to do to sort thru what’s there! (Also if it never happens I’ll be fine.))

Anyway, here is some of the delightful bullshit I am doing with my reclaimed time, check it:

• Watching Ghosts (I am sure most prefer the original but I think the US adaption is hilarious)

• Putting together an adorable little light-up model of a Korean bakery

• Making Samin Nosrat’s Sky High Focaccia

• Packing to go visit friends for a couple weeks next to a LIVE VOLCANO NBD

• Getting up at 4:45 on Sunday mornings to hang out with some Australians

• 2x’ing my workout and increasing muscle mass

• and using Al Gore’s internet to stay in touch with my beloveds all over the world, next best thing to being there

So my question for you today is: Does this kind of Oh I’m done with that! insight resonate? What in your life do you no longer require? What in your life do you no longer require of yourself?

That’s what I want to know. Plz tell me!

RECOMMENDING.

From my brilliant friend Cameron Steele, “Concentration Without Effort,” A Six-Week Course on the Major Arcana. I 100% recommend any course Cameron offers actually. She is an uncommonly sensitive and generous teacher. This class will be particularly special as it’s a little longer and more in depth.

(I will be joining this class and CANNOT WAIT! Will I see you there? Twould be so fun!)

If you’re at all interested in Tarot, if you’re unfamiliar but intrigued, or if you’re already an expert and want to go even further, you will be in the best of hands. Your odds of having a powerful, profound and lasting experience are very high when you have Cameron as a teacher. Learn more and register here.

writing.

Over at Modern Daily Knitting, I wrote about the history and uses of the commonplace book, and the ppl have good ideas for their own versions. And also about the Word of the Year. Mine is Use it Up! and we will be talking about that…

reading.

The Evil Garden: Edward Gorey House 2025 Envelope Art Contest results. A bumper crop of art from envelope artists ages 5-adult. You will marvel.

watching.

Mr Robot: Man I have such a thing for Rami Malek. It’s not romantic. It feels karmic. Hahahahaha listen to me!

Mr Robot goes well beyond that tho. I recommend this most highly and it’s on sale for $30 on Apple for all four seasons. If you’re not familiar, it’s about a hacker who wants to utterly destroy the capitalist world order. He has substantial success. Or “success”. He also has serious mental illness. Mr Robot is the rare series that just gets better and better. I LOVED IT SO MUCH.

I watched Jay Kelly, and it was exactly what I imagined a Noah Baumbach movie to be, all implausible brutality and sticky sentiment. Overall I did not enjoy myself. But Adam Sandler and Laura Dern are fun to watch.

Also watched the whole of Seven Dials on Netflix, an Agatha Christie adaptation. I did enjoy this and I will tell you I wondered if the enjoyment of an Agatha Christie adaptation indicated something I should be concerned about. How does a person turn up their nose at Noah Baumbach while embracing Agatha Christie?? Impending senility??? DEATH?? Oh well!

stain removal (!)

Too good to sit on: Dawn dishwashing liquid. If I haven’t told you before, plz know this is the stain-removal miracle you have been praying for. Cheap as hell too. Smells bad. You’ll have to rinse twice.

headache removal (!!)

Here’s what I forgot to tell you about getting over jetlag. When I complained to my neighbor the nurse how much I was suffering, she said What’s the problem? (Rude? No! Sincere question!) so I said It’s my head!! It’s like killing me. And she said Huh. Have ya tried Advil? 🤯 🤯 🤯

Friends, I had not tried Advil. I had tried waiting it out. Very old pattern. I hope it’s dead. Because I took Aleve (even better than Advil, per friend nurse) and my jetlag didn’t go away, but all my suffering did.

Lesson: Sometimes, the smartest course is to treat the symptom. Durrrrrrr.