_{Hello friends! My name is Max Daniels and I’m a life coach and a writer. I wrote a short and salty book about the easy way to quit overeating and binging. I write here about all manner of life improvement. And I have a monthly column about self-care over at Modern Daily Knitting.}

_{Please get in touch if you’re looking for coaching. You can also ask me a question.}

The oldest, best and easiest magic spell.

I’ll tell you right now: this is going to sound stupid. To a lot of you, VERY stupid. Which is fine, because it is stupid. It’s also stupid effective.

And not practiced very often, mostly because dark forces don’t want you to use this spell. This also sounds stupid, probably.

But I say it in all sincerity, because what most people think of as an “inner critic” or the like, ie something easily controlled once you notice it, dismissed with logic and a quick affirmation or two, is something I think of as a deadly parasite (best case, since a parasite is stupid) or often (worst case, because it’s smart, possibly a genius), a demon. A demon that kinda delights in wrecking your life¹. Read on and tell me where I’m wrong.

Here’s the spell. Do you want something? ASK FOR IT. It is stunning to me how often I propose this simple act of magic and get back some version of “I couldn’t possibly” or “I don’t want it that bad” or the ever-popular “who do I think I am”?

If you are reading this newsletter you are mostly likely a pretty nice person so I know you will ask nicely. That is the main setup you need for your magic spell. You don’t have to ritually bathe or dress up fancy and create a special amulet (none of this will go amiss, obviously):

All you have to do is know what you want, and ask for it of a person who can give it to you or move you closer to it.² I did that the other day which is why I was reminded to write you about this.

People love to talk about the first magic spell. A hand dipped in pigment with which to slap a cave wall. A petition for a good hunt, a circle to trap the demon, a stake sharpened for the vampire.

But I think the first spell we created was asking nicely. Aka using charm … which, not for nothing, is another word for magic.

Anyway. I’m here in Santa Fe. There’s a shop in town that’s giving away totes³ of a design that I really loved. The trouble was they weren’t going to start giving them away until next weekend to coincide with the big international folk art market. And I might be in Durango. So I went into the shop, exposed my slightly embarrassing desire for a giveaway, and asked them—attitude: completely unentitled—Would it be possible?

And they said: “Sure! You can be the first one!! Wear it all over town, and tell the people where you got it and to come in next weekend to get their own! You can be our advertisement!”

Also known as as a win-win.

This is a trivial thing; obviously asking for a branded shopping bag is not the same as asking for a kidney. But what if you need a kidney someday? This would be pretty good practice. Also, maybe you could use a nice tote.

Anyway, although the bag is a small thing, I got something I really wanted, and they were really happy to give it to me, and we had a lovely exchange, and none of that is trivial.

Delightful interactions with humans that end in happiness all around: not a trivial result. There’s some magic for you.

Now if your parents had an ounce of backbone—we’ve all seen them that don’t—you will have figured out early that you cannot move through life demanding that everyone you encounter fulfill your every wish. That’s good to know.

But if you’re anything like most, you probably swung too far in the other direction, and stopped asking for what you want. You may have gotten squashed in an unpleasant way—it happens to most of us—and are now gun-shy.

If you decide to be brave and ask for what you want, you could get shot down. I’m sorry to say that I have done this to people my own self (not recently)(I manage my nervous system much much better these days).

Or you may hear some version of “Sorry no can do”, in a polite way.

But the truth is that most people want to be of use to each other. It just feels good. I’m sure Darwin was right about many things, but he might have underestimated the joy of cooperation.

You may be underestimating it too. If you are so inclined, give it a try and let me know what happens.

🙋‍♀️ Speaking of asking, we have reached the end of the questions. If you would like to ask a question that I can answer here and be of service to all please do. Just hit Reply to this email. Or you can use the form.

Short and salty.

I was watching Matt Bernstein discuss self-help grifters (well, just one) the other day. He and his guests agreed: no self-help book should be longer than a hundred pages. That’s what I’m talkin about! I shouted at him.

Then I checked. My book is 130 pages. Dadgummit!

However, my book has many chapters. So a lot of half-pages. Here’s my point: if you have a problem with chaotic eating, it’s solvable, and THIS I MAINTAIN: You can solve it fast. Yep, in the time it takes to read 130 pages, many of them less than full.

This deliberately short little book will make you laugh, open your eyes, and show you a really smart, easy, fast, dignified and hella cheap way to 10x your life. It might be all you need. You can GET IT HERE.

RECOMMENDING.

watching.

Rajiv Surendra is a young adorable Martha. Solid advice for gracious living. A delightful comfort watch for me.

Sugar, an updated—very updated—LA noir series on Apple tv. Prepare to be adrenalized; it’s violent. Not a comfort watch.

Okay, that’s the week! xoxo and see you soon.