Friends, I ❤️ Buttondown, my new email provider, but it was hiding all your sweet emails two layers down into the analytics. Instead of idk just sending me my emails ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I didn’t know there were dozens of you going unanswered. Y’all, I missed some really kind wishes and funny stories and even a dinner invitation sob!

Anyway, this should not trouble us again.

Now for this week’s question.

Well it seems no one has any trivial questions. Nobody wants to know what to read next or which brand of fish sauce is the best.¹

So we continue with the big questions this week. Plz strap in.

Puzzled writes: I have indicators of Alzheimer's, such as struggling to remember even common nouns when I am tired, but am not now diagnosed as having that disease. I am participating in a clinical trial of one of the Alzheimer drugs. Should I tell people about this? People I love who won't want to get this news?

Well, this is a hard one no matter how you look at it. I just want acknowledge and say I’m sorry you’re dealing with this at any stage.

Some problems can be a real kick in the ass for us. They don’t feel great—but they yield a lot of forward momentum.

Others are just a kick in the gut. Harder to find the silver lining. (Not impossible! But harder.) An Alzheimer’s diagnosis would seem more like this.

But, and this is a BIG but, HUGE: You do not have a diagnosis. That leaves a lot of room for hope!

I suspected I had skin cancer last week. Instead of calling the dermatologist, I took pictures and watched things develop. Whatever it was just went away.

It’s possible that whatever is going on with you is like that. Forgetting words when you’re tired: just something that clears right up when you’re rested and fresh.

(The other day it took me over 48 hours to remember the word “cathartic.” Purgative? Purgening? I just could not get there.)

I have reason to believe, ie watching others, that this is quite, quite common. You know what OG life coach Cheryl Richardson says: Ya can’t remember everything! Everything is a lot to remember.

Another thing: If you read the news you would think your chances of getting Alzheimer’s are 98%. They are not. All other things being equal, they’re about 10%. Genetic testing might indicate a higher risk in the aggregate, but nothing is written about you the individual.

And unless you’re researching using microfiche at the public library, the algorithm is going to give alzheimersalzheimersalzheimers all day long. It’s going to make you feel trapped by your inevitable fate.

And that would be wrong. Your fate is not sealed right now.

Now you don’t say why you have not been diagnosed but I’m wondering how far you’ve gotten with testing. Have you had genetic testing and know your risks? Have you had functional testing and it was inconclusive? Are there tests available that would let you know more?

No news is maybe good news, but forewarned is forearmed. You have to know yourself and decide what’s better for you.

(And just to make the obvious explicit: I know you know more than you’re telling me because I asked you to keep it brief! And I know I’m answering questions you didn’t ask, but that’s because we know others are worried about this too.)

I’m curious about what kind of drug you’re taking. Is it something that is thought to improve cognition, and would be beneficial with or without a diagnosis? That seems like the kind of news your friends would greet gladly.

It seems to me that what you can say to them is that you don’t have Alzheimer’s, but that you’re thinking about your health and your future and you’re being proactive. (Some of them might be in need of this positive example.)

If you do get a diagnosis, they’ll have had a little time to metabolize the idea, and might be better prepared to help. And you will likely get to see who can be there for you, and who can’t.

But the main thing is that you need help with this right now, whether it’s really Alzheimer’s or just regular old age or even a baseless worry. You need your friends! And the way to get that help is to ask for it and tell them why.

I am pretty certain you would be there for them, Puzzled. Today it’s your turn.

I very much hope this helps. Please do let me know how you go.

🍧 🍧 🍧

If you struggle with eating I urge you to give this little book a try. My method is EASY. It is the easy way.

It is also incredibly fast, basically INSTANT, it actually WORKS while being fun, and has no negative side effects.

I like to say you can break a habit of binge eating in the time it takes to read this book, and a lot of readers would agree.

You can get it on Kindle or in paperback.

RECOMMENDING.

writing.

Over at Modern Daily Knitting, I wrote Self-care: Memento Vivere, all about how to keep our crone in self in mind, and make choices she’d be pleased with. As always, there’s gold in them there comments.

But as a sneak peek + bonus, I will tell you that the Roman numeral tattoo that I mention, a reminder that I am likely to live to age 86, and to keep that 86-year-old lady in mind, and make good choices for her, that tattoo has a much larger, fancier X in the middle. It’s a reminder to make choices my 10-year-old self would be pleased with, too.

I got that idea from my pal Madge. Speaking of whom…!

reading.

Brand New Love, by Your Pal Madge. FRIENDS! THIS IS THE BOOK you need if you’re suffering at all for love. If you’ve lost yourself even a little bit in the search for love. I read it in manuscript form and I mention it again because it’s going to be published soon and that will be a great day in the morning! and I will be telling you about it the minute it happens.

Witchcraft for Wayward Girls, by Grady Hendrix, is about a home for unwed mothers of the sort that Roe made history. It’s about bad magic, of course, but also friendship and sacrifice and loyalty and unbreakable bonds. It’s really good.

eating.

I’m writing to you today from Wellfleet so the eatin’s good! Tonight: leftover homemade clam chowder from clams harvested yesterday by my hosts. (I did not work for my dinner because I don’t have a permit and would not want to cross the Wellfleet shellfish constable, no indeed.)

Also I think I forgot to show you the rainbow dumplings my friend Deanna and I got before we saw Margaret Cho? I would eat these every night.

watching.

Well I just do not know why the ppl think that the third season of White Lotus is inferior ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Not at all my experience. Parker Posey and Aimee Lou Wood are magnificent. The outfits are glorious! And the villains are extra loathesome! I loved it.

The Amateur, the new Rami Malek movie is good fun. Mostly because Rami Malek. But that’s okay; he’s never off-screen. I will love him to eternity and beyond.

Next time: a life update.

Things are going better for me. More soon.

And that’s the week!

👊  respect!

💗  adore!  

🙏  and thank you for reading.