This whole newsletter is a recommendation.

Because I’m doing SHOCKINGLY well. So I shall tell you why.

As you know, I am getting surprise divorced after 20+ years of marriage.

Not much warning. No real explanation.

Definitely not mutual. Abandonment is a good word and the one I use.

(This is my second divorce, btw. I wanted never to do it again.)

And I know ppl can take a while to get this done, but my goodness, this one FEELS LONG. The papers still haven’t been filed. (Maybe next week? I don’t even know. It’s been 11 months now.) (I know some of you have been thru much, much longer.)

So why are things so dang good rn, actually?

🩵

Thing no. 1 is my friends and family. My sister in particular has been a steady presence, as have some very very dear friends. Would not be in the good and sturdy place I am without them.

Reader, I tried their patience with my complaints. My ppl are towering examples of lovingkindness.

🩵 🩵

Thing no. 2 is financial stability. No one likes it when their net worth is instantly cut in half (even before the market loses its shit).

But then guess what you find out? One cannot live as cheaply as two. Partnership is economically efficient, and starting over bleeds cash.

But I have enough, and that’s a piece of luck. Also I’m enjoying the lack of disapproval as I make financial decisions for myself.

Lo, I have seen: better to have HALF the resources and ALL the choice than twice the resources and a fraction of the power.

Y’all, the freedom from pushback as I, ya know, just go about my day and buy cheese. It’s glorious! Purchase approved!

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Thing no. 3 is all the folks out there that have had this shit happen to them and lived to tell. Some of them do this in memoir/self-help form, which as you know I have a deep affinity for.

The reason a person writes a self-help memoir is usually a noble impulse to help others avoid suffering. Even at the cost of showing you their embarrassing innards. Their work has kept me going.

My dear friend Madge wrote one of those books that I was so fortunate to have this year. It has been published this week and you can get it today!

It is Occupy Yourself: Move Past What You Were Taught About Love and Find the Real Thing:

Here’s what Madge says about it:

I started writing this book years ago, after observing myself and most (all ?) of the women I know dealing with romantic love in, let’s say suboptimal ways. By suboptimal I mean we were fully and completely selling out our dignity and our own dreams for the future in hopes of finding and keeping romantic love, even woefully inadequate, painful versions of it.

Romantic love can be an incredible nourishing part of life. But when you want it so badly that you are willing to twist yourself into pretzel shapes for even a sniff of a pale imitation of it, as I did for many years, it doesn’t feed you — it feeds on you.

This is book is a true transmission of power and it will point you straight back to your full self. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

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Thing no. 4 is Ms Robin Clark, feminist coach and delightful human. I took Robin’s class Date Like a Feminist last fall and it burnt the fog all the way off! And I was not even dating yet.

I recommend this class even if you are partnered, it’s that valuable. It starts soon, and to give you a taste, Robin is holding a one-off class this Sunday, which is free and open to all. It’s called Patriarchy Glasses, and you can read more and sign up here.

COACHING BOOKS OPEN: Both ongoing and short-term.

Problems solved, habits broken, new life opened up!

Friends, I have space for a small number of longer-term clients right now.

If you’re heading into a time of year with more room for yourself, and you’d like support and help making a big change, clearing up a longtime problem, getting started on a project, breaking a gnarly habit or just a sane, compassionate, clear-thinking copilot to help you navigate life rn, hit Reply to this email and we can make a time to meet briefly and see if we’d make a good fit.

💃 Ongoing sessions are 1 hour, weekly or fortnightly, $135, end date determined by you.

If you need help short-term solving a defined (or on its way to being defined) problem, hit Reply and we will book you with a Problem Solver!

💃 The Problem Solver is single session, 90 minutes, $175. You’ll take away a unique one-page document outlining your straightforward personal strategy for demolishing 💣 your problem ASAP.

RECOMMENDING.

Here’s the Modern Daily Knitting link that wasn’t working last week. It’s about tattoos and FutureSelfCare.

More recs next time!

And that’s the week!

👊  respect!

💗  adore!  

🙏  and thank you for reading.