良いお年を
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that Arashi is on hiatus and there are no concerts to plan for; or the fact that we are still very much in the middle of a pandemic even though we seem to collectively pretend we aren’t; or it’s because I haven’t had enough leave to slow down and really take stock, change out/finish my journals, etc.; but the whole “new year magic” just isn’t working for me this year.
Usually my last day at work for whatever year it is, I would feel kind of fake-happy (you know, kind of like the slight high of being drunk, which you know is a fake high as it doesn’t come from anything good actually happening) as we make our “see you next year!” jokes. This year (Dec 2021), every time I said “Happy New Year!” to a colleague, I laugh a little, because in what way can 2022 be happy, really? It’s just going to be 2020, part 3, isn’t it? And they laugh too, because that’s the general feeling.
When I look back or try to take stock of the past year, it felt like one long period of… nothing? I’m not saying there are no good moments, of course. I did get to see my family from Singapore this year, which I am so grateful for. I’ve spent happy moments with friends, who are all the best parts of 2021 for me. I’ve watched so much MCU, and got to talk about it with friends. I’ve read good books. I just feel like I’ve been too exhausted to actually enjoy a lot of these things, or do the things I usually enjoy.
Um, okay. So let’s put aside all that depressing shit for now. I’ll share some of the things that made 2021 happy:
- coming out, to myself and others, as autistic.
I think this might’ve been last year really. And some friends might argue that this isn’t a “happy” thing because it led to a few extra rants (lol) but in general, this realisation has been so good for my mental health. Because yes, I’ve been talking about spoons and sensory overload and executive dysfunction a LOT, but it’s because I finally found a vocabulary to say what I’m feeling. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been feeling all these things before, it just means that before this, I just force a smile and pretend everything’s okay because it looks like I’m the only person for whom [insert experience here] is extremely painful, and all this masking was taking a huge toll on my mental health. Now… I’m masking less, among friends.
(Sorry, friends.)
I’m also seeing my entire past with new lenses now, and am realising things like - all those meltdowns I had as a kid were not manipulative or fake like I was told, they were real results of being exposed to malls and/or buses for longer than I could tolerate. There’s more, but in general, this is a good thing for me.
- friends!
I think this ought to be self explanatory? Who isn't happy and grateful for their friends, right? I feel this especially this year tho because being separated from my family, and not being able to travel, it's my friends that make everything fun again - like the book clubs, and chatting on Discord, and group video calls while doing chores around the house <3
- podcasts!
My earphones broke and I can’t afford new ones, so I’ve stopped listening to podcasts everywhere. But I do listen to them almost all the time in the morning before I head out, and at night, the moment I reach home. I started out by following so many podcasts but right now only a few managed to keep my attention and make me happy every time I see a new episode up:
Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men, Haken: An Animal Crossing Podcast, Our Opinions Are Correct, and The Stationery Cafe.
Pretty much in this order. Sometimes, when I’m all caught up and have nothing new to listen to, I either listen to older episodes of Jay & Miles, or I listen to random episodes of Dragon Babies, Backlisted, X of Words, or Tokyo Inklings.
- books!
I wrote an entire newsletter last week on my fave books, but yes, despite the fact that I’m reading less these days, I have so many books in my TBR that I’m looking forward to, and I’m constantly reading very good books, which I think is a blessing and maybe one of the perks of doing what I do for a living.
- cats
Nothing is better for anxiety and calming myself down post/pre-shutdowns than a cat. Or better yet, two cats. Just give me all the cats. (I also scroll through lots of cat videos on IG Reels)
- Panda Redd
It feels weird to be shouting out an entire person, but I don’t really watch anyone/anything else on TikTok. Panda posts short rants related to comics, or really hilarious skits about the Bat Family, and their existence makes me happy.
- comics
I was in a comics draught for a bit in the last couple of months - okay, mostly just in October and November, because by December I ended up buying digital issues of Robin and Superman: Son of Kal-El just because I can’t stand life without comics. But I just resubscribed to Marvel Unlimited, and will continue reading Robin and Superman: Son of Kal-El digitally because I can’t afford to keep buying DC stuff from The Last Comic Shop with their mark-ups. (I will forever be pissed at DC for not releasing their own Marvel Unlimited-like app outside of the US. Especially since they’re not even distributing physical copies via Diamond anymore, making it harder for us non-US folk to get copies at affordable prices.)
The comics that are sparking the most joy for me these days:
Lore Olympus, Heartstopper, Captain Marvel, New Mutants, Robin, Superman: Son of Kal-El
Since Daken and Somnus are going to be joining the Marauders in the Destiny of X era, I think Marauders will be a fave in the future.
See, there you go. Lots of happy things. So… Happy New Year! And stay safe!