The Shapes of Giving & Receiving v1
reshaping gifting culture (sorry not sorry)
7/21/24
Dear Community,
Have you ever received a gift that you didn’t like or want?
Let me guess - you graciously received it with a warm smile, and then quietly regifted it or let it collect dust in a drawer until it’s eventual and inevitable departure.
Well you are a much nicer person than I am.
Ask any of my friends- I am notoriously ungiftable. I am incredibly particular, and 9.5 out of 10 times when I’m gifted, I don’t want it.
I will literally say “thank you so much, I appreciate it but this isn’t for me!” and hand it right back to them.
Pardon my projection but I’m assuming some of you are thinking “Geez Mari just accept the gift is it really such a big deal to be polite?!”
…
well, the thing is,
I think there’s a better way.
Let’s talk about it!
To be fair, I tell all of my friends not to gift me anything, to save them from experiencing the aforementioned gift rejection…(if they insist, they’ve been forewarned!!)
…and if they reeealllly think they’ve cracked the code and found the thing, I say “send me a picture and ask me if I want it.”
Why would I want you to spend your money on something that I don’t want?! (I don’t.)
OKAY SO
Obviously we are all different and some people LOVE receiving gifts, it really hits the spot!!…
…but in the name of reducing unnecessary waste in a consumeristic culture and learning to love each other in the best ways we can, I think it’s great to get curious about each other and learn what or how someone really loves to receive.
Most of you are familiar with The Languages of Love. If you’re not, check them out!
I’m delighted that this basic framework is so widely known. It’s helpful, and is a fun way to get to know each other.
I like to take it next level, and get more specific- What DOES quality time mean to you? What are acts of service that you love to receive? What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten?
I’ve always loved really getting to know people. The nuance, the intricacies, the complexity, the uniqueness.
I respect mine, and I respect yours! ♡
I LOVE knowing exactly how people want to be loved, to be held, to be supported, to be cared for.
(This won’t mean I’ll always be able to fully meet their needs, but at least I can get as close as possible within the bounds of what’s in alignment for me!)
WHAT DOES SPARK JOY?
My *top favorite* thing to receive is a homemade meal. I looo-ooove being cooked for!!!
I mean…you bought the ingredients (gift), cooked the food (act of service) and we ate it together!!! (quality time). Maybe while we’re eating you say something nice about me (affirmation) and WHILE WE’RE AT IT let’s end with a really great hug! (touch)
Now seriously, that’s a combo deal!
I also love:
being picked up to go somewhere so I don’t need to drive
when someone else chooses where to eat / makes the plans
being brought on a beautiful new hike
surprise experiences
being told when someone’s thinking of me
homemade food delivered to my doorstep ;)
gift certificate for a session of some kind
very pretty flowers
and… GROUP GIFTS
I gotta take a moment for #GroupGifts:
If you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s when a group of people go in together on a more pricey gift.
Pooled Resources = Nicer Gift
2 years ago, I received one! 🔥
My amazing friend Samantha organized a birthday group gift for me, a SOLO STOVE, which is now the centerpiece for my community fire circles. (Yes, she asked me if I wanted it first - she knows!!)
(actually samantha + me)
20 people went in on this smokeless fire pit a few accompanying accessories.
Everyone donated 20-30 bucks and I got to receive something that I REALLY love!!
Now every time I gather with people around the fire, I feel that we are gathering around the LOVE from my best friends 😭🥰
Isn’t that special?!
I invite us all to:
tell each other how we love to be loved
ask each other what the other would like to receive
bring more group gifts to life! organize one for a friend or ask for one for yourself
work together to reduce waste of resources in all the ways
love ourselves & each other better through honest caring communication
♡
The topic of giving & receiving is so rich…I’m speaking about it here at a pretty surfacey level but it goes sooo much deeper doesn’t it. 🫶🏼
I’m curious how my perspectives landed with you!
Hit reply and let me know - how do YOU love to be loved?
yours truly,
mari mu
Life feeling like a lot? I’m here for you. Come for a session anytime 🤲🏼🤍
♡