chatting with TikTok
TikTok knows me better than I know myself. Almost.
Me: Hey. I'm bored. Entertain me.
TikTok: Cool, here are 500 very short videos. Have at it.
Me: (Loses the next hour scrolling.)
TT: Hmm. Interesting. Normally you like videos of golden retrievers and people falling down, but today you liked a couple videos of people dancing to rap songs. Let's see if you like this one.
Me: Good lord, who is that? Wow he's pretty. And looks like trouble.
TT: That's Ja Morant, you cougar. He is less than half your age.
Me: (Ogling and Googling.)
TT: Here are 100 more videos of other basketball players women think are hot.
Me: Are you serious? Those women need glasses. No thank you.
TT: OK, well, since you seem to like some videos with basketball and some videos with rap music, we have a feeling you'll like this one too. It's the women's LSU basketball team, FaceTiming with Lil' Wayne.
Me: I love Lil' Wayne! His face and his voice and how he seems like such a kind and gentle person.
TT: Oh, trust us, we already know. Put a pin in that. We're gonna give you a few minutes to learn about the LSU team now.
Me: Holy shit. These girls are supermodels, at least one is a decent rapper, their coach is some kind of legend who wears obnoxiously hideous/flashy outfits, and the rest of the world is obsessed with their opponents, a team whose star player has the most extreme Resting Bitch Face I've ever seen? (Googles "what time is the LSU-Iowa State game?" and heads to the nearest sports bar.)
TikTok: You're welcome. Come back and see us later.
My friends: Who are you? What is happening?
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Links
"By almost every measure, the American workplace is getting safer. But one troubling type of injury is on the rise: violent attacks that cause injuries so severe that the victim misses a day of work. And the increase has come almost entirely in attacks against women." (WaPo)
My local library branch, trolling the homophobes. (LitHub)
Just For You, my SF neighborhood diner, has closed for good. Sigh. (SF Standard)
Really pretty embroidered tennis rackets. (Instagram)
Raju Inoue creates "portraits of butterflies, moths, ants, beetles, spiders, dragonflies, and many other insects just by using flower petals, leaves, and twigs." (Demilked)
Jon Bernthal interviewing Pete Davidson was more compelling than I expected it to be. (YouTube)
The punk rock museum in Vegas is open, and famous people are doing tours. If I lived closer I'd sign up for the Angelo Moore one. (Boing Boing)
Are you allowed to criticize Angel Reese? A decision tree. (McSweeney's)
How to make a jong. (TikTok)
Marriage prank that had me crying laughing. (TikTok)
Indictment bar specials. (Washingtonian)