postmortem therapy session
Step into my office. Where shall we begin?
He lovebombed me. And I let it happen.
Oh absolutely. He chased you like a greyhound going after a rabbit. You didn’t stand a chance against that kind of charm offensive. But do not mistake his behavior for the intentionally manipulative type of lovebombing; he was genuinely interested in you. And you loved it. It was exciting and flattering and overwhelming in the best possible way.
Which is why I ignored the red flags.
More like, you chose to focus on the green ones for as long as you could.
What have I done wrong that I sh---
Absolutely not. Take that damn song (YouTube) off your phone. You know that sax solo makes your ears bleed. You've done nothing wrong. You thought you could avoid "catching feelings" — until you did. Then the red flags got redder and, well, here we are.
It also felt like he took me for granted.
Remember those first few weeks/months when you had his undivided attention for hours at a time, and it was so easy and fun and you laughed so hard together? That “new relationship energy” is impossible to sustain. It’s amazing it lasted as long as it did. Maybe it’s not that he took you for granted; maybe he just got comfortable, so he didn’t put forth as much effort, and you took it personally.
How could I not? I felt like I was wasting my time.
No, you took a huge risk and gave someone and something a chance. For a while, you were even able to live in the moment and not overthink things. Brava! And now you know: You deserve more and better next time.
I should have defined the relationship.
You tried several times, remember? You opened your mouth to start that conversation and no words came out. Because you knew that DTR would mean facing some hard truths and ending whatever this was. Eventually that bad feeling in your stomach became too much to ignore and you called it. It’s gonna hurt for a minute.
I miss him.
It would be weird if you didn’t. In some ways he was perfect. Don’t beat yourself up for being human.
Now what?
You get to breathe! And do all those things you wanted to do this summer but put off so you could spend time with him. Coach Eric is ready to yell at you to get yourself together. Coach Neal is waiting for you with jokes and lectures about kinetic energy. Those vintage dresses in your closet are ready for all those events on your friend Z’s calendar. Hello, Supernova is only a few weeks away and you have VIP tickets!
But first, get up off your ass and go for a long run. Put Roger singing Jackpot (YouTube) on repeat until the joy comes back. It might take a few miles. (But please don’t try to dance like Finny while you're running; you know how that scares people.)
Then bust out those pants (Pinterest) for the Fishbone show tonight. They’re gonna play "Love and Bullshit," just for you.
Links
Awwww. I followed the instructions and now every hour my phone's home screen shows me a different photo of Paddie (or my friends' dogs). (Wirecutter/NYT)
"Don’t ask me my opinion on shit because to make you feel good about yourself is exhausting." I am obsessed with Little Simz' Gorilla. (YouTube)
Fitness after 40. My trainer makes me do all of these things because she's the best. (NYT)
Carrie Soto is Back. A novel about an aging tennis star that I blew through in an afternoon. The author is really good at developing characters just through dialogue. (Thriftbooks)
"Try me if you want to." I cannot explain why this Summer Jones video makes me so happy. I want the entire audio file as my ring tone. If anyone knows how to do that, email me? (TikTok)
Should you pick them up from the airport or make them take a cab? A flowchart. (Instagram)
BARF. One more reason not to get into a driverless taxi. (Mashable)
New AI app lets you text with Jesus. And Satan. (WaPo)
Crush Balls is my new band name. (D.S. & Durga)
My favorite Montgomery Brawl joke. (Twitter)
Gen X succeeds in rebelling against society by becoming culturally irrelevant. (Hard Times)