nightmares, language barriers, and shopping
No deep thoughts this week, just a couple quick stories.
I had a dog here for six nights. His name is Chopper. His people were in Florida for Thanksgiving. I never got an opportunity to shout, "Chopper, sic balls!" (Stand By Me reference). He was quite a handful. A two-year-old Border Collie/Cocker Spaniel mix who hasn't been properly trained and practically dragged me down the street to get to the dog park. He needed to run and play and wrestle and chase other dogs for at least two hours a day, just to get his crazy out. Luckily he played well with every dog he encountered, and once he drained his energy, he was a very sweet dog. I mean look at this face:
Here is Chopper with my aunt's dog:
Chopper slept on my bed, practically on top of me, like in that first photo above. On the second or third night, I was having some crazy nightmare. I must have been moving and making noise in my sleep, because Chopper woke me up with a single, medium-volume "woof." I opened my eyes to find him staring at me. It seemed like he woke me up because he was worried about me. Or at least wanted me to STFU.
A local elementary school organized a winter coat donation drive for the place I volunteer. The results of that drive — hundreds of kids' coats — showed up the other day. It was chaos, because there was no available surface to sort them all, let alone hang them, and I didn't have much time, because some recently resettled refugees were on their way to collect winter clothing for their family of five. I texted my brother like "hey if you're not busy, I could REALLY use your help over here."
Even with our organized systems (shelves and bins labeled by gender, age, and size), it still takes me the better part of an hour to assemble piles of shirts, pants, shoes, jackets, etc. in the right sizes for that many people. I was only half done when the people I was "shopping" for arrived. This was the first time I've helped a family from Cameroon. And the first time I've regretted not paying attention in French class.
As we started to play charades (yes I know I could have busted out Google translate), the doorbell rang again. My brother. Who thinks his French sucks, but it's actually pretty good. "Just in time!" I told him. "Ask him if those pants are too big and tell her I'm looking for dresses for their girls. I'll be right back." I heard my brother joking with them — "Je parle Franglais" — and everyone laughing as I ran off down the hall.
Sometimes you get the help you need, right when you need it. I guess all you have to do is ask nicely.
Links
Jezebel is back! The announcement was yesterday, and late this afternoon, they published/updated the privacy policy and copyright. That means posts are coming. (NYT)
Substack has a Nazi problem. Yesterday I unsubscribed from 20+ Substack newsletters because this article pissed me off. I'm also pissed off that two days ago, someone wheat-pasted posters all over DC that say "Let Gaza Live," and most of them have already been destroyed. @#$%^&*#$%^&* (Atlantic)
"If you want a woman to bring something to the table, go to IHOP." Loved everything about this article on dating and TikTok. Sprinkle sprinkle! (Vox)
Caity Weaver's profile of the actress who plays Flo for Progressive. (NYT)
Why it will never be a good time to buy a house. (Atlantic)
Live map of passenger train locations in North America. (Boing Boing)
If you need a holiday gift for a Star Wars nerd: This cutting board is awesome. (Wine dot com)
A great essay about divorce, starting over, and getting a giant pink Christmas tree. (NYMag)
A dude challenged a woman to a weightlifting contest and lost. At least he still had the balls to post the video. (TikTok)
Punk John Cage "4'33" cover only 13 seconds long. (Hard Times)
Your 2023 WebMD Wrapped. (McSweeney's)
Shopping
The online Black Friday and Cyber Monday content this year was relentless. I'm embarrassed to admit how much time I spent looking at all those listicles. I hated 99.9% of the products they were hyping, but I kept clicking because maybe the next one would have something I'd like. The only things I bought were my stupid-expensive face cleanser and a new pair of shoes for tennis, both on sale. What, if anything, did you buy online, or risk your life at Walmart to get? Was it stuff you've been wanting that was finally on sale? Or maybe you started your holiday shopping? Let me live vicariously though you. You can reply to this email and anything I share next time will be anonymous.