imaginary interview
[Alt text: A pile of 50+ tangled hangers on a parquet floor.]
Yesterday or the day before, Vanity Fair released their annual interview (YouTube) with Billie Eilish. For six consecutive years, she has answered their questions, on camera. They are the exact same questions each year. In the video, we watch Billie — now 20 years old — answer a question, and then we see footage of how younger Billies answered, going back to when she was 15.
The whole thing is a brilliant feel-good marketing tool. Vanity Fair and YouTube get a gajillion dollars from whatever brand buys ads against the videos. Billie gets to give something to her fans while gaining tens of thousands of new ones. And viewers feel like they are along for a fun ride, watching Billie grow up in real time and rooting for her.
The questions include:
How many followers do you have (on social media)?
How are you feeling today?
Biggest thing to happen in your career?
What advice would you give yourself a year ago?
What’s most important to you right now?
Do you feel pressure?
What did you eat today?
How is your bedroom currently decorated?
Craziest fan moment?
What constructive criticism would you give your fans?
Do you get free stuff?
How big is your entourage?
What question do you hate being asked?
What non-musical aspirations do you have?
What about for next year?
What’s the biggest rumor about you?
Do you have a boyfriend?
What makes you happy in a relationship?
Describe your style in three words.
What’s your favorite movie?
Favorite artist at the moment?
Biggest thing you’re struggling with?
At the end of the video, Billie's mother comes in and hugs her and tells her how much she loves her. It sounds corny, especially if your relationship with your mother isn't/wasn't expressive and affectionate. Which I'm pretty sure applies to most of my close friends.
After I watched this year's video, I tried to imagine how I would have answered some of those questions at ages 15, 16, 17. When I was, as they say, "a hot mess," even though I looked like I had my shit together.
[I'm too lazy to Google "screenplay formatting."]
In front of the camera sits an upper-middle-class private school white girl who gets straight As, whose parents pay for everything, and whose bedroom has pink and white print Laura Ashley everything — sheets, comforter, even the wallpaper. She is wearing a white L.L.Bean turtleneck, black watch plaid uniform kilt, simple stud earrings, blue eyeliner, and frosted pink lipstick. She seems "normal" for her specific demographic.
Until she opens her mouth.
How are you feeling today? I fucking hate everyone and yes that includes myself. Do you feel pressure? If I don't get straight A's and get into a name-brand college or university I will never get a good job and I will end up poor and homeless and can we hurry this up because I have a paper due tomorrow. What did you eat today? Anything and everything I could shove into my face. What question do you hate being asked? Anything about what I want to do with my life. Oh, and "what's wrong?" because fuck you, what isn't? Favorite artist at the moment? Chuck Brown and Doug E. Fresh. OK fine, and Led Zeppelin. Do you have a boyfriend? Hell no, look at me. Describe your style in three words. Not good enough.
And then my father walks onto the set and says "Ayyyyy, get to work!"
Gift ideas, not from Amazon
I keep clicking on the gift guides, and most of them are terrible. These people seem to think you can buy a candle without smelling it first.
But I did bookmark a few fun things, so I'm dumping them here in case you know someone who'd like them. You can click the images to go to the product pages.
Vegan Binder Clip Tote, $100
[Alt text: A black handbag or tote designed to look like a binder clip. The metal parts are the handles.]
Lobster Dinner Chocolates, $60
[Alt text: Chocolate in the form of a lobster.]
Her Majesty's Ornaments, $18-22
[Alt text: Ornaments that look like a crown and a Corgi.]
Riess Pink Enamel Milkpan, $40
[Alt text: A small enamel pot, pink on the outside, off-white on the inside, with a long handle.]
Links
No, you do not need to drink 8 glasses of water a day. (Guardian)
You can report your home covid test results to help public health trackers, assuming your test was accurate. (Make My Test Count)
If you want all the Twitter news in one place, here you go. (Twitter Is Going Great)
What happens when you delete all your emails. (Atlantic)
"While I admire Paltrow’s ability to monetize her life experiences, I don’t see how menopause can be repackaged like Dunkin’ Donuts or the ill-fated Coke Zero, as if it can be bottled up in well-designed containers and resold to suffering women, most of whom can’t afford an eighty-eight-dollar product to deal with hair loss. Especially when it arrives in the same old white package." (Catapult)
Santigold's Tiny Desk Concert. (YouTube)
I usually think celebrity death pools are tacky and gross, but here's one that's raising money for good causes. (Kissinger Death Tontine)
L.L. Cool J playing a gym in Maine in 1985. When he was 17. (Kottke)
Best headline last week (pre-TG). NSFW. (Reductress)
https://twitter.com/samthielman/status/1594081784190279681
https://twitter.com/mikjcal/status/1597164383075196928