old songs and bad metaphors
Old songs and bad metaphors
Mid 1990s, in my maternal grandmother’s living room in Connecticut
Grama is sitting on the rattan armchair with the yellow cushions, by the window. I'm on the couch. There’s no one else around. She senses I'm sad because my first boyfriend broke up with me. She uses gentle and polite language to tell me he was trash; good riddance. She says, “You need someone to sweep you off your feet.”
1998, the first week of January, in a van in a parking lot outside a nightclub in Germany
It’s the last night of the joint tour with the two European bands. For the last 8 days, he and I have been inseparable, and largely silent, because of the language barrier. Right now, he's in the driver's seat, I'm in the passenger seat, and everyone else is inside the club. He plays The Blues Busters' Soon You'll Be Gone (YouTube). He sings the chorus to me.
1998, the second and third weeks of January, back at work in DC
He's emailing me every single day. His English is not great, but the message gets through: He misses me terribly. He thinks about me all the time. And this gut punch, after telling me about his new girlfriend: “I trust you as a sister, I like to write you as my best friend and I love you as a girl in my dreams."
2000, the second week of April
My grandmother dies on April 10. Several days later, as we are sorting through her belongings, my mother hands me a metal box and says, "Take this away from me before I throw it out." The box is full of my grandparents' love letters from the 1930s and 1940s, including from when he was serving overseas during WWII. Once I read the letters, I understand why my grandmother wanted someone to "sweep me off my feet." My grandfather's pen was the world's biggest broom.
2000, May, somewhere in Europe
Another tour. A confrontation, a brush-off, gallons of tears.
The next 20+ years
I'm over him, over it, except for that goddamn song. The way the opening notes make me all depressed/emo is almost Pavlovian. Whenever I hear a DJ play the song at a ska event, I bolt for the nearest exit and wait 3 minutes until it’s safe to go back inside.
This week
A text conversation with someone about music, songs we listen to after breakups, songs that trigger us. I send them a link to the song. I quit out of YouTube before it starts playing.
Yesterday morning
I'm walking around Rock Creek Park, wondering if that song still has the same effect on me after all these years. Only one way to find out. I open YouTube and listen to it. And enjoy it. I play it five times in a row, just to make sure. I'm OK now? I'm OK now!
My grandmother meant well with her broom advice. If I could go back to that living room now and continue that conversation with her, I'd tell her that brooms don't work if you end up in a dustpan. I want a better metaphor. Something where one person doesn't have all the power. If you can think of one, let me know? As always, you can reply directly to this email and anything I share will be anonymous.
Links
This poem. (Author's site)
A good piece on Bluesky, the newest Twitter challenger. New band name: Reign of Error. (Platformer)
You've got to scroll down a bit, but here's a handy 2-minute tool to measure your work-related burnout. (Harvard Business Review)
Surprised at how much I enjoyed Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, a novel about people who make video games. (Bookshop)
All book covers look the same. Please, someone make it stop. (Twitter)
For DC people, an article that helpfully summarizes stuff we've learned from our local Twitter recycling expert. Print this out and put it on your fridge. (Washingtonian)
Mama Tot found a $5,000 wedding dress in a thrift store for $50, bought it, and is giving it away. (My Modern Met)
How two history-making Congresswomen (and roommates) made it through their first 100 days in office. The videos especially. (Elle)
For Pixies fans: The "Stop!" in "Where is My Mind?" is turning off Google alarms. (Consequence)
Space elevator, where you just keep scrolling up and up until you're in outer space. (Neal dot fun)
I'm generally anti-coffee table but would make an exception for this Scrabble one. (Awesomer)
Pepperoni Hug Spot??? AI is hilarious and terrifying at the same time. (Twitter)
Hilarious wine decanter. NSFW. (Instagram)
Tears For Fears, back when they were called Graduate, performing on a kids' show in 1978. According to Wikipedia, Roland was born in 1961, which means he is 17 in this video and I'm in full cougar mode over here. (Boing Boing)
Tiktok bookmarks: A group of Aries is called a mosh pit. A DC museum day, Wes Anderson style. I hope this person finds the people in the photos. Hilarious drunk driving traffic stop. If you spend any time on Black Twitter, here's a really funny story. I love this woman's anal but creative way of documenting her moods, health, anxiety, etc. Finally, this guy cracking himself up.